Homer Knows Best #12

Homer: Homer no function beer well without.

Homer Knows Best #11

Homer: Son, I just want you to know I have total faith in you.
Bart: Since when?
Homer: Since your mother yelled at me.

Homer Knows Best #10

"Weaseling out of things is important to learn. It's what separates us from the animals ... except the weasel."

Homer Knows Best #9

Homer: When I first heard that Marge was joining the police academy, I thought it would be fun and zany, like that movie Spaceballs. But instead it was dark and disturbing. Like that movie -- Police Academy.

Homer Knows Best #8

Apu: I have come to make amends, sir. At first, I blamed you for squealing, but then I realized, it was I who wronged you. So I have come to work off my debt. I am at your service.
Homer: You're selling what, now?
Apu: I am selling only the concept of karmic realignment.
Homer: You can't sell that! Karma can only be portioned out by the cosmos.
Apu: He's got me there.

Homer Knows Best # 7

"Why does stuff that happens to stupid people keep happening to me?"

Homer Knows Best # 6

Son, when you participate in sporting events, it's not whether you win or lose; it's how drunk you get.

Homer Knows Best # 5

"I want the answers now or eventually!"

Homer Knows Best #4

"Ah, beer. The cause of and the solution to all of life's problems."

Homer Knows Best #3

Homer; Public transport is for jerks and lesbians!

Homer Knows Best #2

Homer: Look, all I'm saying is, if these big stars didn't want people going through their garbage and saying they're gay, then they shouldn't have tried to express themselves creatively.

Homer Knows Best #1

Homer: When I look at the smiles on all the children's faces, I just know they're about to jab me with something.