She's Mad I Tell Ya!

I get in from work and the Missus is ironing in the kitchen.

"Fuckin 'ell love, it's roasting in here. Why don't you iron in the living room?"
"I've nearly finished now. I had the window open earlier, but I closed it 'cos it was too see-through."
"Erm, yes. That can be a problem with windows can't it?!"

Your Name Is What Now?!

Typical Workplace Conversation

Sometimes my participation isn't the mad part of the customer interaction

"Morning."
"Hello, my mum's here for the next few days and I want to get her a Pay-As-You-Go Oyster card."
"Sure, no problem. It's £3 deposit for the card, plus the amount you want to add on."
"Can I put £10 on please?"
"Yep, that'll be £13 in total then please."

The customer pays and we say thanks to each other.
Before leaving, the woman turns to her mum, smiles, hands her the Oyster card and says;

"Here, Happy Mother's Day you old cow!"

The timing was perfect and I nearly fell of my chair laughing.

Currently Viewing

For All Your Farting Facts

Click here.

Currently Reading

The Lighter Side Of Star Wars

We all have to go sometime.

You heard the man.

Some people take being a fan a bit too far.

At least they're not on strike today!

George Lucas' original ideas were not always good.

Currently Listening To

Seasons 1-5 downloaded from iTunes. Not a good idea to listen on the train though, people think you're a nutcase if you laugh out loud. Karl Pilkington has to be the maddest person on the planet.

This Side Up?

I don't know if you read about this in The Sun today, nor do I know if it's genuine or not. To be honest, I don't really care. It's just damned funny.

Gets Me Every Time

O.K, so you've probably seen this before.
But, it still makes me smile every time.

Nelson Sings The Blur

Homer Knows Best #12

Homer: Homer no function beer well without.

Quality Film Quote # 32

Brian: I'm not the Messiah!
Arthur: I say you are, lord, and I should know... I've followed a few.
Followers: Hail Messiah!
Brian: I'm not the Messiah! Will you please listen? I am not the Messiah, do you understand? Honestly!
Girl: Only the true Messiah denies His divinity!
Brian: What?! Well, what sort of chance does that give me? All right... I AM THE MESSIAH!
Followers: HE IS! HE IS THE MESSIAH!
Brian: NOW, FUCK OFF!!!!
[there is a long awkward silence.]
Arthur: ... How shall we fuck off, oh Lord?

Fornicating Geriatric Vagina

We have a book at work for recording any anti-social behaviour. While flicking through it last night, I found this gem from a couple of years back.

Wednesday 7/6/06 23:18

Potter (a former beggar, ticket tout and all round trouble maker) seen on the north exit stairs.
Called me a fucking old cunt.

C.S.A Young (now retired)

Well, it made me laugh anyway.

Homer Knows Best #11

Homer: Son, I just want you to know I have total faith in you.
Bart: Since when?
Homer: Since your mother yelled at me.

Currently Reading

Considering Buying

Why Tottenham Are Bottom

I believe that's Darren Bent on the right.

Homer Knows Best #10

"Weaseling out of things is important to learn. It's what separates us from the animals ... except the weasel."

Oh, Dear

There are some things that you just don't expect to read.
This post about Cling Film is one of them.