That Really Fucking Hurt!!

This evening, as I was cashing up, I had an accident.
I bundled all my bank notes together and was about to bind them
together with an elastic band. I wound the band around once and as I
pulled it to wrap it around again, it snapped and flew into my left
eye. And when I say eye, I mean I felt it ping against my eyeball. It
stung like a motherfucker, I can tell you!
I don't remember my exact words, but 'fuck', 'fucking', 'shit',
'bollocks' and 'cunt' were all mentioned at some point.
Has anyone got the number for Injury Lawyers For You?

Sent from my iPhone

Quality Film Quote #36

Tyler Durden: [pointing at an emergency instruction manual on a plane] You know why they put oxygen masks on planes?
Narrator: So you can breath.
Tyler Durden: Oxygen gets you high. In a catastrophic emergency, you're taking giant panicked breaths. Suddenly you become euphoric, docile. You accept your fate. It's all right here. Emergency water landing - 600 miles an hour. Blank faces, calm as Hindu cows.
Narrator: That's, um... That's an interesting theory.

Leg Jigglers #6

Location; Car
Source; Radio
Action; Steering wheel drumming.

I have to admit, I wasn't too sure about this song when it was first released. But, it's grown on me. Yay Foo Fighters!

Typical Workplace Conversation

Recently, the Students returned to University.
For some of them, the future's not so bright.

"Hello, can I have an application form for a Student Oyster card please?"
"No, sorry. You have to apply for a Student Oyster card on the Transport For London website."
"Can't I get a form from you?"
"No. You have to apply for a Student Oyster card on the Transport For London website."
"Why? Have you run out of forms?"
"No. You have to apply for a Student Oyster card on the Transport For London website."
"Can I get a form from another station?"
"No. You have to apply for a Student Oyster card on the Transport For London website."
"Is there a Student Oyster card application form at all?"
For fuck's sake!
"Yes."
"Where is it?"
"On the Transport For London website."
"You're not very helpful you know!"

And with that, he storms off to research why Darwin's Theory Of Evolution doesn't apply to himself.

Students, click here!

She's Mad I Tells Ya

It seems that my mum is not immune to asking stupid questions either.
I popped into town with Matty this morning and decided to ask her to come out for a coffee. I buzzed her intercom and the following conversation took place.

"Hello"
"Hey mum, it's James. What you doing?"
"Nothing, why?"
"Do you fancy going for a coffee?"
"Yeah, o.k. love. Where are you? Downstairs?"
"Well, if I'm talking to you on the intercom dickhead, I must be mustn't I?!"
"Erm, yeah. I'll come down."

Needless to say, I got a slap for calling her a dickhead!

2 Weeks Annual Leave

Last week we were on holiday near Clacton-On-Sea. I was pleased to find that we were about half an hour away. We stopped there for lunch before checking in and it was a cross between god's waiting room and chav city.
The weather was fantastic. It was slightly overcast on Thursday but it remained t-shirt weather.
We took Matty swimming in the mornings, which he loved. He also enjoyed the kids club.
We made a trip to Walton-On-The-Naze and had lunch in a traditional Pie and Mash shop. I wasn't suprised to see Matty enjoying it, after all, I grew up on the stuff. Like father, like son and all that.
All in all, it was a really nice short break.

This week I've been relaxing and enjoying the company of The Missus and Matty.
Matty's really developing quickly these days. He points at what he wants now, which has reduced the amount of guess work. He's also started trying to talk but it's all jibberish, a bit like this bloke!
It was also my 32nd birthday last weekend. On Saturday I went for a meal with family but it was difficult to enjoy as I'd had a terminal headache since 6am that morning. On Sunday I went on the piss with my dad.
The only negative point was that I had to do an early shift at work on Thursday, as I owed them a day's leave.

Back to work on Tuesday. Late shifts. Yay.

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Piss poor by Jack Black's standards.

Average.

Considering it's supposed to be a comedy, it's just not funny.

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