Finally, An Update!

Thought I'd better get my arse into gear and give you'se lot an update.
I've just returned to work after 2 weeks of annual leave.

We went to CenterParcs for the first week. Matty is a bit too young to enjoy it fully. Still, he managed to occupy himself by chasing ducks
with his arms wide open and shouting "Oi, duck, cuddle!" He did enjoy the swimming pool area, although getting him dressed afterwards was a fucking nightmare! The weather held up okay, all be it a little chilly in the evenings. I managed to use my bike on most days, which I really enjoyed. I'd wait for Matty to have his afternoon nap, then go for a ride, usually stopping for a pint at some point.

The second week of leave involved back breaking labour. I had to rip
out a huge flower bed. And I mean huge. 10 metres long, 2 metres wide and 1 metre deep. That's a lot of earth and soil to move! Not to mention the wooden frame, plant life and roots that had to be torn out. After the first day I was in agony, I'd obviously tweeked a nerve in my right arm. But, like the brave warrior I am, I continued to dig, rake, pull, push, lever and carry for 4 days and it's mostly done now.
The next stage will be putting up a fence, followed by some decking. I might put some pictures up here if I can be arsed.

I understand that congratulations are due to the England cricket team for winning the World Cup 20/20. I fucking hate cricket, so bollocks to that.

I understand that congratulations are due to Chelsea for winning the double. I fucking hate Chelsea, so bollocks to that.

I understand that congratulations are due to the Tories who, thanks to a hell of a lot of stupid people, won the General Election. I fucking hate the Tories so bollocks to that.

That'll do for now, see ya!

Morning Sickness

I've absolutely no fucking idea why it's called "Morning Sickness".
So far as I can tell it last's all day and night.
I feel desperately sorry for the missus. Although she's not actually being sick, the permanent nausea is getting her down.
I love you babe, this'll be the last time, I promise!

So, what have I been up to then?
Well, not a lot really.
I've just finished a run of early shifts.
On Thursday and Friday last week, I had to do my Annual Test of Rules at Oxford Circus House.
BORING!
I don't know why we still do it, there's not even an actual test anymore. We just sit around discussing scenarios and writing on flip charts. Pointless.

I had the day off on Tuesday for Nan's funeral.
The service was very sad and I don't mind admitting that I was a bit un-manly.
The wake was perfect. Remembering old times with cousins and other relatives.
They say you only see these relatives at weddings and funerals, but we're determined that this will not be the case. In fact, we've got 7 or 8 of them coming up on Sunday to help celebrate Dad's 60th birthday.
I'd like to say once more how grateful I was for all you messages of support over the last couple of weeks. Whether they were face to face, on the phone, text, e-mail, Twitter, facebook or here, they really were appreciated. So thank you.

My sinusitis is at last starting to clear up, should be as good as new by next week, hopefully!

I'm on a long weekend now and I intend to do nothing but spend time with my family. Especially Matt as I'm on late shifts next week and won't see him much.

Thick Brown Nasty Mucus And Snot

On Sunday last week I caught a cold.
It wasn't a nasty cold, just a plain old cold.
I was feeling better by Friday night, then the trouble started.
I woke up on Saturday morning and couldn't breathe through my nose and my whole face ached.
It was difficult to blow my nose and the snot I produced was very thick and almost brown in colour. (I hope you've already eaten!)
I was also coughing up thick mucus too.
At first I thought my cold had flared back up, but I had none of the other symptoms.
A quick check on NHS Direct suggests I have sinusitis, which can take up to a month to clear.
I seriously hope it doesn't last that long in my case.

Infected

I've caught a cold off of Matt.
It's not swine flu, bird flu or the female invented "man flu", it's a cold.
I'm not surprised I've caught a cold, I've been feeling run down for months. Tiredness and fatigue have been a real issue.
As a result, I've decided to take some sick leave. Before today, I've not been off sick for around 14 months, not a bad record that.
I'm gonna do what I do best when I'm ill, play the PS3 and eat junk food!

This Week Needs Smacking Like A Bad, Bad Donkey.

Where shall I begin?
Well, lets start from last Thursday, as it was possibly the worst day
of my life.
On Thursday morning I went to work. To say I was running around like a
blue arsed fly is an under-statement. Even though I was only on a
poncy spare duty, I was late getting out of work. Then, when I got to
the train station, I found out that the 13:13 was cancelled. That
would have got me to my home station in 30 minutes, instead I had to
catch the 13:34, which takes 50 minutes. So I got home 40 minutes late.
As if that wasn't enough, I later found out that my Great Aunty Lena
had passed away.
Still, that wasn't enough! I phoned the missus only to find out that
she was in the A&E department of her hospital. One of her dickhead
colleagues put a syringe in the "sharp bin" upside down. The misses
pricked her finger with it and needed all sorts of precautionary jabs.
On Friday, I took my mum and brother to see Great Uncle Les. He looked
terrible. He's in his late 80's and slowly being consumed by
asbestosis of the lungs. He's lost his best friend and wife and we
fear for his future.
Saturday passed without incident.
Sunday; Arsenal, Chelsea, nil, three, shit.
Monday saw my father-in-law being taken to hospital. It seems that
some of the heart medication he's on is affecting his stomach ulcer
quite badly.
Tuesday passed without incident.
Wednesday; Matt broke my T.V today! In a bizarre mop/toy incident he's
managed to crack the screen. Waiting to hear if our insurance will
cover it.
A real fucker of a week, I'm sure you'll agree.
Tomorrow is Great Aunty Lena's funeral.
Fingers crossed that everything goes uphill after that.

Sent from my iPhone

That Really Fucking Hurt!!

This evening, as I was cashing up, I had an accident.
I bundled all my bank notes together and was about to bind them
together with an elastic band. I wound the band around once and as I
pulled it to wrap it around again, it snapped and flew into my left
eye. And when I say eye, I mean I felt it ping against my eyeball. It
stung like a motherfucker, I can tell you!
I don't remember my exact words, but 'fuck', 'fucking', 'shit',
'bollocks' and 'cunt' were all mentioned at some point.
Has anyone got the number for Injury Lawyers For You?

Sent from my iPhone

2 Weeks Annual Leave

Last week we were on holiday near Clacton-On-Sea. I was pleased to find that we were about half an hour away. We stopped there for lunch before checking in and it was a cross between god's waiting room and chav city.
The weather was fantastic. It was slightly overcast on Thursday but it remained t-shirt weather.
We took Matty swimming in the mornings, which he loved. He also enjoyed the kids club.
We made a trip to Walton-On-The-Naze and had lunch in a traditional Pie and Mash shop. I wasn't suprised to see Matty enjoying it, after all, I grew up on the stuff. Like father, like son and all that.
All in all, it was a really nice short break.

This week I've been relaxing and enjoying the company of The Missus and Matty.
Matty's really developing quickly these days. He points at what he wants now, which has reduced the amount of guess work. He's also started trying to talk but it's all jibberish, a bit like this bloke!
It was also my 32nd birthday last weekend. On Saturday I went for a meal with family but it was difficult to enjoy as I'd had a terminal headache since 6am that morning. On Sunday I went on the piss with my dad.
The only negative point was that I had to do an early shift at work on Thursday, as I owed them a day's leave.

Back to work on Tuesday. Late shifts. Yay.

32 Years Old

Today marks the 32nd anniversary of my birth.
I'd like to think that the world is a better place with me on it, but I guess that depends on who you ask!
I'm hoping today goes better than yesterday, when I spent the entire day with a blazing headache. It was so bad, I only managed 4 pints all day!

A Welcome Break

Today is the first day of my 2 weeks annual leave and it couldn't have come quick enough.
I've been really run down for the last few weeks and on Wednesday, I caught a cold.
It goes without saying that I've passed the cold on to Matty, luckily it's not a nasty cold, but it's still a pain in the arse. Well, eyes, nose, throat and chest anyway!
Tomorrow, the missus, Matty and myself are leaving for a short break by the sea. I honestly can't wait. I think it's important to have a change of scenery, even if it's to the not very exotic Clacton!
It's just me and Matty today as the missus has gone to work. We were supposed to go to Andy's son's second birthday party, but have been unable to do so due to the car being needed by the missus. I apologise profusely for cancelling.
That's about it for now, I'm just transferring some films and kids T.V shows to my iPod for our break.

Where Does The Time Go?

Time has just been flying by of late. I wish I could tell why, but I can't.
The only worthwhile thing to tell is that Matt can now walk. And boy does he walk! I looked after him on Saturday and Sunday and my legs are still aching now!
As previously reported, Matt came down with a nasty cold. The doctors prescribed Tamiflu without even seeing him. We'll never know if it was actually Swine Flu, which is annoying. The missus has also been unwell of late and I am currently suffering from a really sore throat. I'm desperately hoping it doesn't turn into Tonsilitis.
In other news, my iPhone arrived very quickly after my threat of leaving O2 and I love it! I'm a little disapointed with the battery life, but that's a small price to pay for the mobile of the gods!
My diet is still on, amazingly! I've got down to under 13 stone for the first time in years. I'm aiming for 12 stone and then I'll start running.
The football season is nearly upon us. I'm predicting that Arsenal will win fuck all as usual.

Here Piggy Piggy!

Matt is currently being treated for Swine Flu and I don't feel so great either.
We'll never know if it is genuine swine Flu because they don't actually test for it anymore.
Better safe than sorry though, eh?

Peanut Allergy

A viable option? Not likely.

I went for an allergy test today, as it's been driving me mad, on and off for about 5 years now.
It turns out that I'm allergic to cats!
I don't understand how I've only become allergic to cats in the last few years or so, I've had them all my life.
It's not a severe allergy, but it can leave me sneezing non-stop for a couple of days and give me a runny nose like a water main.
There's no way I'm getting rid of Peanut-Face, but she is now banned from our bedroom.

Our beloved (and allergen filled) cat; Peanut-Face.

Visiting Nanna

Yesterday (it is 00:20 now) I went to see my Nanna in hospital.
When my dad and myself arrived I could have burst into tears. I'd been told she was down to six stone, but it didn't prepare me for seeing her that frail.
My childhood memory of her is a tall, well built lady. Not fat mind you, I don't want her coming up here and clipping me round the ear!
Despite being 84, having terminal cancer (that's really hard to acknowledge, let alone type) and a chest infection which has seen her in hospital for the best part of two months, she seemed in good spirits.
When we first arrived she was short of breath, but with the help of some oxygen, she soon started chatting away. And with all her marbles too.
Just before we left, my uncle Ian arrived. I honestly don't remember the last time I saw him. He seemed surprised by my hair thinning and weight adding abilty. I was surprised he was dressed in full leather biker gear! In fairness, he does have a bike!
I fully intend to to down and see Nanna again while I'm off. Hopefully I'll be able to take The Missus and Matty too.

Love ya Nanna, xxx.

No Title

I found out today that my nanna has gone into hospital with a chest infection.
Combined with the cancer, this really isn't a good thing.
I had planned to go and see her at home this Thursday, I'll have to find out if she's in a fit state to have visitors this week.
Fingers crossed.

Update To Follow

I've been suffering with a head cold for the last week, hence the "can't be arsed" approach to blogging.
Will update tomorrow.
Probably.

Glad The Weekend's Over

Sunday was alright, but saturday was a real shitter.

It started with a phone call from the Abbey. My bank card had been cloned and used to the tune of around £500. Someone had paid £200+ to the Carphone Warehouse, £35 to Vodaphone and £200+ to Sky Digital. It's not nice to think that someone could be walking around using a brand new Blackberry that I've paid for, especially when I want one! The bank was really good and cancelled the card immediately and they'll refund any lost money.

Later I found out that my nan does have cancer, despite being given the all clear earlier this year. I don't know what the doctors are playing at, but it's irrelevant as she couldn't be treated because her age. We're fortunate that it's not an aggresive cancer, so we should have a bit of time to enjoy her company.

Finally, the missus and Matty came back from their break with stinking colds. Matty's really hit him hard on satuday night, giving us hours of screaming. Not to mention waking up every couple of hours crying. Eventually it was agreed that he'd sleep in with the missus and I'd take the sofa bed. I've been left with a stiff neck and shoulders.

Pruritus Ani

Or "Fucking hell, my Ronson Lighter is itching me to death!" affects 1 in 20 men.
Guess who's that 1 in 20 man?!
Went to the doctors this morning as I just couldn't take it anymore. After a quick external examination (which felt like the doctor was using a car jack to pull my Gary Glitter apart) I was diagnosed and sent on my way with a prescription for a steroid based ointment.
So the next time you see me and I have an evil grin on my face, it's likely I'm about to stick my finger under your nose.
Just hope and pray that I didn't run out of surgical gloves that morning!
I have absolutely no idea why I've shared this with you!!

Get Well Soon Mate

No, my brother isn't ill this time!
My father-in-law was taken to hospital on Tuesday night with chest pains.
He'd been having them since the week before, but in typical Greek style, ignored them.
It turns out he was having a heart attack.
He's already had an Angiogram, which they also used to carry out an Angioplasty to widen two arteries. He's due to have some more today or Monday.

I wish him a very speedy recovery.

Snap, Crackle And Pop

That's the noise my body is making today after sleeping on the sofa bed in the spare room last night.
I don't know why I had to sleep there, well, I do actually, but I don't know what the reason was for the reason that I was forced to sleep there.
I've confused myself now.
Last night, I came in through the back door so as not to wake Matty up. As I passed the spare room, I noticed the bed was made up in the spare room. A quick peak around the door frame revealed that the bed was empty.
There was talk of the missus' parents coming up today, so I assumed she was just being pro-active.
But no.
Passing through the living room I noticed a handbag identical my sister-in-laws (I only know this because I was there when the missus bought it for her, I'm not some kind of handbag sex addict). Again, I started to assume. Has the missus bought the same bag?
I then arrived into the passage way to the bedroom and noticed a pair of hair straightners that were not property of the missus. In fact, they also look tike my sister-in-laws (I only know this because I've seen her use them on countless occasions, I do not have a sexual fetish for hair straightners).
Finally, I go into the bedroom and notice that my space is being slept in by my sister-in-law. At this point I'm starting to understand how the three bears must've felt.
The missus awakes, so I ask her what's going on.
"Nothing."
I get my sleeping gear and go to get changed. I returned to our room to put my pants in the wash bin and ask the missus "what's going on" again.
"Nothing."
So that was that then. Nothing was going on.
And, as a result of nothing going on, I had to sleep on the sofa bed in the spare room.
And now I ache from my arse to my skull, for nothing.