Named And Shamed

After much deliberation we have decided to call our baby son Matthew. It appears that young Matty enjoys rooting around his nose as much as his father.

Sorry For The Delay

At 15:59 on Friday the 29th August 2008, the missus gave me a baby boy and totally rocked my world. I have so much to tell you all, including a diary I kept from the moment we entered the hospital on Thursday morning, to the moment we left this evening. But, and you knew there'd be one, for the moment I'm going to spend some quality time with my family. As of yet, the boy remains unnamed. As soon as we choose one, you'll hear it here first. For now I'll leave you with this photo and a few more words. This is my son and heir. He will forever be under my protection.
Anyone who so much as looks at him in a manner which displeases me will receive a horrendous beating.
Survivors will face his mother.
If they're unfortunate enough to survive that, then they don't want to know what the boy's uncle Paul will do to them!

Not Long Now

I will be taking Gina to the hospital soon.
In just over an hour, she will be induced.
In an unknown amount of hours I will be a father.
I don't know when the next post will be.

I'm scared.

I Don't Know What To Do With Myself

Every fibre in my body is crying out for rest. My eyes feel like they've been rolled in chilli flakes and deep fried. And still, sleep won't come for me.
I went to bed at around 10:45. I just lay there, thinking and thinking. I know I must have dozed off at some point, but it was very light sleep. I was aware of every single movement and the slightest of sounds coming from the missus. How long the sleep was for, when it started and when it ended will be a mystery to me forever. I know I'll get through the day though. Something tells me I'll find the fuel reserves, I have to.
Gina will be going through the pain of childbirth later and it's my intention to be at her side throughout.

Good grief, how cheesy is this post?

I'm too tired to care.

Childbirth Imminent

You may have had a text or a phone call. Someone else may have told you. Or, you could just be reading it here for the first time.
The missus is gonna be induced sometime between 8 & 9 am tomorrow. She's not actually due until the 7th of September but her blood pressure is still raised so they won't be taking any chances.
If I thought today was gonna be long, tomorrow doesn't bear thinking about in hours!
All I know is that I will not be leaving Gina's side for anything.
Well, maybe a quick piss now and then.
I just hope that Eileithyia is watching over us tomorrow.

Long Day

I'm in for a long one today.
It started at 4:00 when I woke up.
I'll catch my train at 5:10 (allegedly).
Work form 6:30 about 13:45.
Catch my train home about 13:53.
Get home and change around 14:45.
15:15 drive to Luton And Dunstable Hospital.
Hospital appointment at 16:00 till whenever.
Hang around until 18:00.
Maternity ward tour 18:00 until 18:30.
Drive home 18:30.
Get home around 19:00.
19:00 - 19:30, eat.
Watch Arsenal vs F.C Twente 19:45 - 21:45 ish.
Go to bed at 22:00 for six hours sleep before getting up again.

Typical Workplace Conversation

Some people are deliberately awkward.
"S'cuse me mate, which way is the exit?"
"We've got two exits mate, where do you want to go?"
"I want to go out."
"Yes, that much is obvious, but we've got two exits. Where are you going?"
"Out."
"Fine, then pick any exit you like."
"Which one's best?"
He's getting on my tits now.
"That depends on where you want to go."
"I just want to go out."
"Both exits lead out of the station, so take your pick."
"Yes, but which one is best?"
"I don't know, you won't tell me where you want to go."
"Why should I tell you where I'm going?"
"D'you know what mate? You're boring me now. You can tell me where you're going and get the quickest exit or choose an exit at random and end up lost."
"Fine! I want to got to the Novotel Hotel."
"You got out the exit to your left, turn left and it's five minutes down the road."
"There! That wasn't too difficult was it?"
"You have no idea."

The X-Factor

A show where the nations biggest cunts perform.
And don't even get me started on the contestants!

Bless Her, She Tries Her Hardest

This may look like the victim of a terrible accident involving a combine harvester, but it's actually the latest cake attempt by the missus.

Interesting Fact

Our beloved cat Peanut-Face got her name because I was drunk and shoving peanuts in my gob when we were deciding what to call her.
Although, why the missus agreed is unknown.

Making My Mind Up

You may have noticed that my blog has been changing shape and colour over the last few days. You see, I'm not quite sure what to do with it.
I'd like to break free from the "Blogspot Templates" and design my own, but I wouldn't know where to start.
So I guess that's that then.
Boring templates are us.

Bollocks!

Like countless others, I missed out on Oasis tickets this morning.
You see, the problem is that people order the maximum number of tickets permitted, keep one or two for themselves and flog the rest at massively increased prices on Ebay.
These people are complete and utter cunts and I hope they die horribly.

What's The Time Mr Wolf?

This is my new bedside clock, funky or what?

And before you ask, No I wasn't in bed at 8:40 pm on a rest day, that's just the time I took the picture.

To Hell (Ikea As Men Know It) & Back

The missus dragged me to Ikea yesterday. As usual I kept myself busy by looking for rude sounding names. It seems that Ikea are on to my one small joy as the amount of rude names are diminishing. I managed to find a couple of new ones and few old favourites, as well as a box of imaginatively named biscuits.

Of course, I had the mandatory hotdog and chips at the end of my ordeal.

Recently Read / Currently Reading

Just started this one today.

She's Mad I Tell Ya!

Just as the missus and were about to enter the hospital today, she said
"I didn't know maggots turned into flies."
I just don't know what to reply with sometimes.

It's Definitely My Child In There

The missus had to go for a check up at the hospital today. Nothing serious, just a slightly high blood pressure.
It appears that there are now two members of the family that can raise her blood pressure at will!

Nasal Hair Appeal

Since turning 30, every day has been a constant struggle against nasal hair growth. It's beginning to wear me down to the point that I'm considering snorting some sulphuric acid.
If anyone has a method of dealing with the problem, please, please let me know.
By the way, this is not my nose. I got this picture off the internet.
Honest.

Bloody Typical!

The T.V in the bedroom has been making a sort of "white noise" sound every time someone on it spoke. We arranged for an engineer to come around to check it out and surprise, surprise, it's stopped making the noise.
The engineer will be here in the next hour or so this is both annoying and potentially very embarrassing.

Update; The engineer came, changed a speaker and now there's no sound on the T.V at all. It'll be monday at the earliest when it's fixed.
Plus, why is it that every delivery driver or workman that comes to our house sounds and looks like he's about to die of a heart attack any minute?

Recently Viewed

I couldn't help thinking that I'd seen this film before. It's probably a mix-tape of loads of other gangster films.

I don't normally like Keanu Reeves, but I thought he did o.k in this film. Police, Gangs, deception, fraud and Hugh Laurie with a dodgy yank accent.

What more could you ask for?