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Dairylea Is For Little Girls

Happy St. George's Day

And bloody proud of it!

Quality Film Quote #37

"They call me Mister Tibbs!"

Too classy to put here in words alone.

Morning Sickness

I've absolutely no fucking idea why it's called "Morning Sickness".
So far as I can tell it last's all day and night.
I feel desperately sorry for the missus. Although she's not actually being sick, the permanent nausea is getting her down.
I love you babe, this'll be the last time, I promise!

R.I.P Tommy

I was saddened to hear that my good mate Tommy Ludford had passed away this weekend.
I've no idea how many times we shared a beer (or eight) and/or a chat together (far too many to count), all I can say is that he will be badly missed by a hell of a lot of people.
I feel especially sorry for his daughter Tasha, who found him.
I know exactly what she's going through as I found my uncle's body.
I still have bad dreams to this day.

Oh, What's Occurring? (Welsh Accent)

Usual shit really.
Work, eat, sleep, play with Matt, etc.


We saw the midwife this week. Unfortunately it's the same one as last year and, my god, she's ugly!
She looks like a man in drag!
A very ugly man in drag!

Anyway, that aside, things seem to be progressing well with the pregnancy so far.
We've got an estimated birth date of 12th November, which is also my niece's birthday!



Matt continues to develop rapidly himself.
Every day is a new experience with him and he has us in fits of laughter.
He's started to string words together too, a few examples;
"Where bottle is?"
"Where's gone now?" (Usually when I go for a shit)
"Come on daddy/mummy"
"Hi Matty!" (When looking in the mirror)


Work is work.
It always has been work.
It always will be work.


I got around to buying a pipe.
The missus called me an idiot.
She's probably right!

Leg Jigglers #7

Location; Train
Source; iPhone
Action; Full on leg jiggle!

She's Mad I Tells Ya

This one came from my mum tonight. She was in the back of our car, telling us what she'd brought back from her trip to france.

"I've brought a sausage back."
"What, just one sausage?"
"Yeah, a garlic sausage."
"Just the one?"
"Well, half a whole one."
"What do you mean 'Half a whole one'? Either it's a half or it's a whole one mum."
"It's half a garlic sausage, you know, the big ones."
"Oh, I've got you now."
"Yeah, I've brought two of them back."
"What? Wait, hang on a minute. Are you telling me you've brought two half garlic sausages back, or two whole sausages back?"
"Two, half sausages."
"Then you've brought a whole one back. Fuckin hell mum, you're hard work!"

Recently Viewed

This film was right up my street. Really enjoyed it.

BIG YAWN!

Yeah, I enjoyed this one. Kind of a flip on the alien visiting earth type thing.

After 5 minutes, I turned to the missus and said "I bet DiCaprio is the real nutter."

I was right!

I remember seeing this film as a kid. It's still not funny.

Here We Go Again!

The missus is up the duff again!
Yay me and my super sperm.

Typical Workplace Conversation

Sometimes my participation isn't the mad part of the customer interaction

"Morning."
"Hello, my mum's here for the next few days and I want to get her a Pay-As-You-Go Oyster card."
"Sure, no problem. It's £3 deposit for the card, plus the amount you want to add on."
"Can I put £10 on please?"
"Yep, that'll be £13 in total then please."

The customer pays and we say thanks to each other.
Before leaving, the woman turns to her mum, smiles, hands her the Oyster card and says;

"Here, Happy Mother's Day you old cow!"

The timing was perfect and I nearly fell of my chair laughing.

Pipe

I'm thinking of investing in a pipe.
I don't smoke and I'm not going start, but I believe that owning a pipe will make me smarter.

Currently Listening To

Finally Got Around To Ordering

Currently Reading

I'm up to chapter 5 so far and it's so boring!

I'll give it until chapter 10 to improve, then it's going out the train window!

Did He Think I'd Let It Go?

Yesterday I was walking along the road and talking to the missus on the phone. As I was talking a rather fat bloke (yes, fatter than me!) stepped in front of me, put his hand up and started to talk to me.

"Excuse me."
I indicated that I was on the phone but he persisted.
"Excuse me."
"Sorry, I'm on the phone mate."
I walk past him. He waits till he thinks I'm out of ear shot.
"Yeah, you carry on fucking talking!"
I tell the missus to hang on and turn around. He has his back to me now, walking away.
"Oi!"
He turns to face me.
"What's your fucking problem? I'm on the phone you arrogant dick!"
He opens his mouth and is about to say something.
"Bollocks! Fuck off you cunt!"
Just to hammer home my annoyance, I throw in some rude hand gestures.
He stands there, mouth open.
I turn and go back to my phone conversation.

Typical Workplace Conversation

Sometimes you can only put up with so much abuse before putting the customer in their place.

"For fuck's sake! There's no fucking trains?! Why's there no fucking trains?!"
"Sorry mate, planned engineering."
"Well why's there no fucking signs at the other station?! No one fucking told me!"
"Now look. There are posters about our works, for weeks in advance, on every Underground station. We make P/A announcements on every Underground station leading up to the works. We take out a whole page of the Metro newspaper the friday before the works start. The works are freely available on the internet and you can even set up text and e-mail alerts of our planned works. What more do you want us to do? Phone you every morning?"

The customer walks away and shakes his head.

Ahhh, Man, Gets Me Every Time!

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