Wednesday, 29 July 2009

For All Your Farting Facts


Click here.

Friday, 24 July 2009

Currently Reading


Thursday, 23 July 2009

Coming Today!

The Apple iPhone 3G-S.

Update; It turns out that O2 are out of iPhones at the moment and won't get any until thursday at the earliest. I told them if mine's not here by next friday, I'll be an Orange customer.

Tuesday, 21 July 2009

Here Piggy Piggy!

Matt is currently being treated for Swine Flu and I don't feel so great either.
We'll never know if it is genuine swine Flu because they don't actually test for it anymore.
Better safe than sorry though, eh?

Wednesday, 15 July 2009

Recently Viewed

Piss poor by Will Ferrell's standards.


I'm not sure I understood the ending of this film. Why did he hijack a train and hold the passengers for ransom for $10 million, if he knew about his potential stock windfall of $300 million?! Answers on a postcard please.

Sunday, 12 July 2009

And All Because The Boy Finds It Funny


Baby vest head.
I dunno why, but it makes him laugh!

Tuesday, 7 July 2009

Typical Workplace Conversation

A customer stops about 6ft away from my window and shouts;

"Thtepth!"
"Sorry?"
"Thtepth"
"I can't hear you properly, come closer."
They come closer.
"Thtepth"
"Thepth?"
"THTEPTH! THTEPTH!"
"I'm sorry, I can't understand you."
"Tut! Your colleague thed I need to go up the thtepth and down the thtreet to get to Euthton!"

I'll have chalk this one down to experience!

Friday, 3 July 2009

Hey Fatty Boom Boom

Started a diet yesterday, it went well.
Is it just me though, or does the first day of diet always go well?
The only real problem I faced was not eating the fat off my steak. It's the best bit for fuck's sake!
Finding food that wouldn't exceed my calorie allowence was also difficult.
Never mind, I'll be lean and slender in a couple of days.
Either that or back on the pies and beer!

Monday, 29 June 2009

Interesting Fact

A cricket bat is made from blended and compacted; crickets and bats.

Saturday, 27 June 2009

Currently Listening To


Wednesday, 24 June 2009

Bringing Out The Dead?

I was out for a walk with Matt and as we passed the local Funeral Directors, I noticed this truck with a coffin sticking out the back.
I wondered if it was an economy hearse or a funeral for Swine Flu victims.
It turned out to be nothing more than a coffin delivery.
Saying that, I've never seen a coffin delivery before and I doubt I'll ever see one again.

Setanta Goes Bust



Good, the robbing cunts!

Monday, 22 June 2009

Peanut Allergy

A viable option? Not likely.

I went for an allergy test today, as it's been driving me mad, on and off for about 5 years now.
It turns out that I'm allergic to cats!
I don't understand how I've only become allergic to cats in the last few years or so, I've had them all my life.
It's not a severe allergy, but it can leave me sneezing non-stop for a couple of days and give me a runny nose like a water main.
There's no way I'm getting rid of Peanut-Face, but she is now banned from our bedroom.

Our beloved (and allergen filled) cat; Peanut-Face.

Sunday, 21 June 2009

Happy Father's Day

Today is my first Father's Day in a father like capacity.
It seems strange, father's day didn't even exist when I was Matty's age!

Tuesday, 16 June 2009

Recently Ordered

Just ordered this rather attractive watch from Amazon. Was £150, now reduced to £45.
Bargain.

Monday, 15 June 2009

This Post Is Not Suitable For Vegetarians

We went to Costco today and stocked up with loads of meat.

Sunday, 14 June 2009

Quality Film Quote #35


Parole Hearing Man: Ellis Boyd Redding, your files say you've served 40 years of a life sentence. Do you feel you've been rehabilitated?
Red: Rehabilitated? Well, now let me see. You know, I don't have any idea what that means.
Parole Hearing Man: Well, it means that you're ready to rejoin society...
Red: I know what "you" think it means, sonny. To me it's just a made up word. A politician's word, so young fellas like yourself can wear a suit and a tie, and have a job. What do you really want to know? Am I sorry for what I did?
Parole Hearing Man: Well, are you?
Red: There's not a day goes by I don't feel regret. Not because I'm in here, or because you think I should. I look back on the way I was then: a young, stupid kid who committed that terrible crime. I want to talk to him. I want to try and talk some sense to him, tell him the way things are. But I can't. That kid's long gone and this old man is all that's left. I got to live with that. Rehabilitated? It's just a bullshit word. So you go on and stamp your form, sonny, and stop wasting my time. Because to tell you the truth, I don't give a shit.
Morgan Freeman's "Red" in The Shawshank Redemption. Pure class.
Might try that kind of attitude at my next promotional interview!!

Visiting Nanna

Yesterday (it is 00:20 now) I went to see my Nanna in hospital.
When my dad and myself arrived I could have burst into tears. I'd been told she was down to six stone, but it didn't prepare me for seeing her that frail.
My childhood memory of her is a tall, well built lady. Not fat mind you, I don't want her coming up here and clipping me round the ear!
Despite being 84, having terminal cancer (that's really hard to acknowledge, let alone type) and a chest infection which has seen her in hospital for the best part of two months, she seemed in good spirits.
When we first arrived she was short of breath, but with the help of some oxygen, she soon started chatting away. And with all her marbles too.
Just before we left, my uncle Ian arrived. I honestly don't remember the last time I saw him. He seemed surprised by my hair thinning and weight adding abilty. I was surprised he was dressed in full leather biker gear! In fairness, he does have a bike!
I fully intend to to down and see Nanna again while I'm off. Hopefully I'll be able to take The Missus and Matty too.

Love ya Nanna, xxx.

Saturday, 13 June 2009

The Lighter Side Of Star Wars

We all have to go sometime.


You heard the man.


Some people take being a fan a bit too far.


At least they're not on strike today!



George Lucas' original ideas were not always good.




Thursday, 11 June 2009

Welcome To Blogging

To my good mate and one of the nicest guys I know; Warren.
Warren has the unfortunate middle name of Joffre.
He talks shit all day long so I'm sure he'll have plenty to blog about!