More Success

My Piers Morgan abuse made it into Cunts Corner.

Where's Mine Then?

British Gas advert;

"Four free energy saving light bulbs for every customer.
Giving Britain the green light to save energy."

Where are my free light bulbs?

Robbing bastards.

Here We Go Again

Big brother 17 (or whatever series we're on) is already being advertised.
It is, therefore, my responsibility to remind anyone who watches this show, is a complete fucktard.
I don't actually mind if these fools want to waste their time with this piss poor excuse of entertainment, what does annoy me is when people ask me "Did you watch Big Brother last night?"
My reply will be (as always) "No, I'm not a cunt."

A Voodoo Upon You

The following people are getting on my nerves;

Mark Lawrenson - When this cunt commentates, I feel like chucking my telly through the window. Eg; U.S.A's Freddie Adu wastes a free kick; "That was much 'Adu' about nothing." You're not funny, you're a big nosed cunt.

Piers Morgan - Are we surprised that Jeremy Clarkson punched him in the face? Not at all. This smug, sarcastic, un-funny cock monkey deserves everything he gets. Including syphilis.

Amanda Holden - Les Dennis is better off without this mole faced whore. She's never, ever buzzed before one of the other "judges". Copycat tramp.

Davina McCall - Because Big Brother is just around the corner.

Places Where I Hurt

I just want to get off of this D.I.Y merry-go-round.

Sweet, sweet beer eases the pain.

An Answer To My Problems?

I'm considering having this done.
All this D.I.Y is wrecking my already piss-poor knees.

One More Shift Before The Work Starts

Today is my last shift before I start 2 weeks holiday.
It's 2 hours longer than normal too as I agreed to go in early to assist with the potential footy crowds.
I say I'll be on holiday, but in reality I'll be working harder than if I was at work.
I'll be doing the bathroom up.
New sink, tiling, flooring, plumbing for the new shower and whatever else needs doing.

Deep joy.

Because It's Still Funny

Noticed this on Holy Moly's "Cunts Corner".

One of the comments suggests that everyone knows someone at work called Dave.

I don't, do you?

Insult To Injury

Thanks to my mate Warren, who brought these to my attention.

Loving the bottom one the most.

Whoops! Dropped My Banana Skin.

Can you help me find it before someone slips?

Whoops! Too late.

Credit Card Statement

Previous Statement Balance £80.33
Payment Received £80.33
Interest Charged £0.00
Outstanding Balance £0.00
Minimum Payment £0.00

To reach your account by 16/06/2008

That now gives me an extra £100 to spend on myself every month!

Feeling The Heat

What the fuck is it with travel agents?
I've never been in one where the temperature is below boiling point.
Exactly what are they trying to achieve?
Are they trying to make me think I'm on holiday already?
Do they think that feeling the heat will make me long for a sunny place and immediately hand over my credit card to buy 2 weeks in the carribean?
How do the staff put up with it for eight hours?

I want answers, now or eventually!

Currently Listening To

Genius.

Quality T.V

This is one of the few things that the missus and me both enjoy watching. Well worth a look, Friday 10pm on Five.

Mmmmm, Pizza

The following things must never be added to a pizza.

Mushrooms.
Pineapple.
Fish.
Sweetcorn.
Dogshit.

I've never actually seen the last one on any menu, but I'm sure it's vile.

Recently Completed

An outstanding addition the GTA franchise.

Just need to kill all those bloody pigeons now.

New Arsenal Kits?

I'm not sure if these are real or fake, just to stir up interest.
I have to say, I'm not keen on the red one, the sleeves should be fully white in my opinion.
Loving the yellow one though, spirit of Anfield '89 and all that.
Only time will tell if they're genuine images.

Fur T.V Clips

New Milan Bench Warmer Speaks

D'OH!

Asked if winning the title would have made a difference, Flamini told the News of the World: "That would have weighed in the balance. It would certainly have counted.
"I actually wanted to sign a new contract at Arsenal last July but it didn't happen. AC Milan did so much to sign me I couldn't refuse.
"What happened to us after leading the league for so long was the most painful experience I had during four years at Arsenal."

So, you've left a team that finished 3rd in England to join a team who will finish 5th in Italy?
Good luck getting past Andrea Pirlo, Clarence Seedorf, Massimo Ambrosini and Ivan Gennaro Gattuso.

They've Got The Big Time Blues

Good!
If only they'd won.
And scored another 20 goals.
Can't see them winning on the 21st either.
I hate them, almost as much as Spurs.

Quality Film Quote # 28

Lee: Don't think. FEEL. It is like a finger pointing away to the moon. Do not concentrate on the finger or you will miss all that heavenly glory.

Bruce Lee's....... erm........ Lee, from "Enter The Dragon" (1973).

Beautiful Day

The perfect day to spend 31/2 metres below ground.

Tired

I really didn't sleep well last night.
Took me ages to drop off and had a stiff back and had to keep turning to stop it aching.
Then the missus came to bed and I was awake for another hour before dropping off again.
Oh well, only 15 hours, 22 minutes before I can climb back under the sheets.

Interesting Fact

Dolphins are ladyboy sharks.

Recently Viewed

Outstanding. I urge you to see this film in the cinema, well worth the money.

One seriously fucked up black comedy.

Sunday nights, 10pm on MTV. I laughed so hard I nearly puked. For more info and clips, go here.

Glorious Rest Days

Yesterday, the missus and me walked along the canal to The Globe Inn, for a spot of pub lunch.
Later we went to see Iron Man. We were gonna have some dinner after the film, but we still felt stuffed from lunch so went home instead. Later I ordered a pizza from a local place in town. I'd never used them before, but I can assure you that I'll be using them again soon, it was the best pizza I've had in donkey's.

Today, my brother-in-law and his missus were house hunting in the area with her parents. We met up and had another pub lunch in The Grove Lock.
We were gonna have a BBQ this evening but again we're too full.
The brother-in-law and his missus popped in after they'd completed their house tour of Leighton Buzzard and I showed off GTA4 to them. I can't help thinking that Caz wasn't as impressed as Gary, she didn't ask for a turn anyway!

All in all, a lovely rest period.
Too bad I've gotta work eight days straight before the next one!

Can't Wait To See

National Rail

Utter , Utter cunts who couldn't arrange a piss up in a brewery.
They've got the best part of saturday night and the whole of sunday and monday suspended for engineering works, but could they keep the service running for a few hours this afternoon?
Could they fuck!
I'm chucking London Midland in this as well.
Forty minutes waiting for a train and not a single announcement for their passengers / customers!
Cunts.

Don't get me wrong, London Underground is known for it's occasional signal failures etc, but can you imagine the grief we'd get if we were as poor as these two shower of shits?

Baby Ultrascan #2

If my unborn child is picking their nose then it's a sure sign they'll will take after me!

Homer Knows Best #8

Apu: I have come to make amends, sir. At first, I blamed you for squealing, but then I realized, it was I who wronged you. So I have come to work off my debt. I am at your service.
Homer: You're selling what, now?
Apu: I am selling only the concept of karmic realignment.
Homer: You can't sell that! Karma can only be portioned out by the cosmos.
Apu: He's got me there.

The Word Fuck

I couldn't have put it better myself.

Legal Notes For Men

On the following list are legal requirements for men.
In no particular order;

1; Take staircases two steps at a time.
2; Promise to do something later.
3; Pick your nose at traffic lights.
4; Don't do the thing that you promised to do later.
5; Change the car radio station over whenever your missus says; "Ooh, I like this song."
6; Refuse to ask for directions, no matter how lost you (or the Tom-Tom) seem to be.
7; Answer "Yes" to a question asked by the missus, even though you paid no attention to what she asked because the footy is on.
8; Kick the tyres of your new car so it looks as if you've got some sort mechanical knowledge, to the person you're buying it from.
9; Realise that the question the missus asked you during the footy was about the thing you promised to do, but didn't. And still don't do it.

Feel free to add your own.

More Shit Music

Two more songs that get on my tits.

The Feeling - Without You.

I can't select a particular verse or chorus.
This entire song is complete wank.

The Hoosiers - Cops And Robbers.

If we catch a criminal
When we catch a criminal
There's nothing we can do
But play cops and robbers
Cops and robbers

And repeat this utter shit again and again until you feel like microwaving your head.

Less Play, More Blog

Apologies for the lack of updates over the last week or so. I've been on the PS3 playing Call Of Duty 4 and the newly released Grand Theft Auto 4.
I do have some stuff to put up here but I'm about to leave for work.
I'll post some new stuff as soon as I get home.