D&A Today

Today I had my first ever drugs and alcohol test. D&A, as it's known to us Underground employees, is "randomly" used to ensure that we're not junkies or piss heads.
It involves a breath test similar to those the police use and we have to provide a urine sample,
I don't mind telling you that I was quite nervous about it. I knew I had nothing to worry about. I don't get pissed if I'm working the next day and I don't take drugs. What made me nervous was the "Sit here, read this, this is what we are going to do, this is what you are going to do, sign this, etc."
Do you think I could piss?
Could I fuck. Four glasses of water and 20 minutes later I finally managed it.
Anyway, I'm still a London Underground employee as my breath test was clean as a whistle (how clean are whistles anyway?). My urine results should be back and very clean next week.
By the way, I love the way the form has "appointment date" on it. As if we'd mutually agreed a date and time.

Currently A Rock God In

Actually, I'm terrible. I thought I'd be rocking like Dave Grohl but I reckon I'm more like Leo Sayer.

I'm lying again there, I'm not even that good!

Recently Viewed

I know it's childish, but I laughed my arse off on a regular basis.

I'll Have, Erm, Just A Water For Me

I found this interestingly named resturant while out on my break today. I don't know what kind of food they serve, but I wouldn't order anything in a white sauce if I were you!

Star Wars - Deleted Scenes

Ever wonder why Luke's uncle and aunt were killed?
Ever wonder why the Imperial Stormtroopers attacked the Jawas transporter?
This video explains all. I believe that this is genuine footage, left on the cutting room floor by George Lucas himself.

Head Up Bro

My brother-in-law's had a rough time at work this week.
I won't go into details here, but I just want him to know that we're thinking of him.

Even More Success!

I was so pissed off at wasting part of my life watching Balls Of Fury, I had a rant on Cunts Corner.
And they published it, click here.

Recently Viewed And Played

It's great to be able to control the god known as Homer, but the game is a bit lame.
One for the kids. A few funny scenes.

If you like Will Smith and no-one else in your films, then this is for you.
Utter, utter shite of the highest order.
Interesting. About the lives of three men who are called up in modern day military draft.
Outstanding fun. If you've got kids then buy this game and pretend it's for them. Then don't let them play it because you're playing it yourself.
Very enjoyable, even if it is predictable.

Christmas Is Over

Get back to work you lazy sods!
If I've got to go then so have you.

A Crazy Catnip Christmas

Peanut-Face enjoying her catnip treats.

Peanut-Face 10 minutes after enjoying her catnip treats.

Festive Greetings!

I'd like to wish all of my readers a very Merry Christmas!

Oasis - Merry Christmas Everybody

The best christmas cover ever?
It gets my vote.

Quality Film Quote 24

Seth: I may be a bastard, but I'm not a fuckin' bastard.

George Clooney's "Seth" in From Dusk Till Dawn.

Interesting Fact

The official spelling (as outlined by the National Turkey Society) of a turkey's noise is "Lbmlbmbblmblbmblbmlbmbl".

Interesting Fact

Tottenham Hotspur are no longer unbeaten against Arsenal with Juande Ramos as their new manager.

Interesting Fact

Tottenham Hotspur are unbeaten against Arsenal with Juande Ramos as their new manager.

Hmmm?

I have no idea what that last post was about.
It's amazing what 12 cocktails and 6 lagers will do to you.

Super Modern Mattress

Computerised foam mattress are here.
They are now, they are the future.
If you don't get one then we'll kill you and make it look like an accident.

Christmas Shopping

Unfortunately, due to the joys of employment and illness, I've yet to go shopping for a present for the missus.
This means that at some point today, I'll be heading over to Milton Keynes shopping centre and spending loads of money.
I fucking hate Milton Keynes at the best of times, today though, it's gonna be a nightmare.

Human Again

After 4 days of feeling like absolute shite, I feel much better today. I don't know if it's entirely the fact that I'm off work now, but I'm sure it's a massive part.
I really was under the weather. I was coming home from work, eating and then going to bed until 4 am came around again. I suppose I should have taken a few days off really, but I didn't want to let my colleagues down in the busy build up to christmas.
I'm sure they'd do it for me. One for all, and all for one, and all that bollocks.
Probably.

Death Awaits You, Possibly

As previously posted, I'm currently dying from Bird Flu.
Last night I went to bed nice and early in an attempt to get some much needed sleep.
With the exception of my niece, anyone who phoned my house or my mobile after I'd gone to bed, will soon be beaten to death with a stale Ginsters pasty.
So, if you are one of the 5 who called, keep a look out for the tired looking, coughing, wheezing, spluttering, sneezing, chicken and mushroom pasty armed lunatic.

The Most Wonderful Gift Of All

It appears that the missus has decided to give me an early Chritmas present this year, her stinking cold.
The worst thing for me about colds, is the lack of sleep. When I'm on late shifts it's not a problem, I can stay in bed 'till the afternoon. But, as I'm getting up at 4am for earlies this week, I'm in for a rough few days.

The Joy Of 3

1; Arsenal beat Chelsea for the first time in 4 years to go back to the top of the league.

2; To add insult to injury, it was ex-Chelsea player and new Arsenal legend, William Gallas who scored the winner.

3; Lassana Diarra (above), who I have recently ranted about, has said he wants to leave Arsenal.

Good news all round then.

Ruby Ruby Ruby Ruby Ruby

This photo is conclusive proof that I went to see the Kaiser Chiefs at Earl's Court. It was a fucking awesome gig (yes, I remember it!) and I thank D&T who got me and the missus tickets for christmas.

The Great Santa Conspiracy

Santa Clause.
Father Christmas.
Saint Nick.
Chris Cringle.
Papa Noel.


It don't matter where you come from or what your name for him is.
What is important is that the old git don't exist and never has.
I have numerous friends and family with children and they all use the "Santa" shite.
Don't get me wrong, I'm not against Christmas. I like the way it encourages a family togetherness, which is usually missing these days.
What I am against is people working hard all year round to earn money, which they use to buy gifts for their children, only to say that some elf bummer from a very cold place has brought them. For nothing.
Fuck off!
How do we teach kids the value of honesty when we lie to them every Christmas?
When I've got kids, they're gonna be told the truth from the off; "We flushed your Goldfish down the lavvy", "Santa don't exist", "If you touch anything that belongs to me then you'll get an electric shock", "Don't call your teddy Mohammed" that kinda stuff.
Mind you, the Tooth Fairy and Easter Bunny are cunts too!

Lassana (What's A Team Mate?) Diarra

Can someone please explain to me, what this fucker does?
As far as I can tell, he plays only when decent players are injured and then insists on giving the ball away persistently.
My argument; Against Newcastle (drew) and Middlesborough (lost) he gave the ball away non-stop. He only played in these games because Fabregas, Flamini and Diaby were injured. Furthermore, when he came on against Steaua Bucharest tonight, the midfield lost all composure.
The bloke is a pile of arse.
I can only assume that Chelsea sold him to us, in revenge of us buying William Gallas on the cheap while off-loading Cashley Cole.
Fuck off back to Chelski you muppet!

Nosey Bleeder

I've just woke up with a really heavy nose bleed.
The only thing I can put it down to is stress due to the fact that I am decorating yet again.
You see, I don't have "rest days", only "days where I work away from my normal working environment".

Going Through Changes

You will, no doubt, have noticed the new layout of my 'blog.
But, did you notice the new sub-header?

Recently Viewed

I didn't enjoy this film one bit. It was 2 hours of my life that will never be returned.

Woo-Hoo!

I won £34 on the lottery last night.
I'm rich!
Rich I tells ya!

Interesting Fact

My cat's breath smells like cat food.

Be Careful

Those Currys Adverts

I suppose that old bearded cunt in the red jumper is meant to be Father Christmas is he?

Large Umbrella Users

Kindly take a moment to look where the fuck you are walking, turning and randomly stopping.
I happen to be rather fond of my eyeballs where they are and would prefer not to have them impaled on the end of your umbrella spoke.
Why the fuck do you need a five foot wide umbrella anyway?
Twats.

Happy Birthday!

To this very blog, which is one year old today.
There have been; moans, rants, insults, sympathy votes, well wishes, ill wishes, a "considering quitting" and all manner of old shit posted.
Every month my site is literally inundated (yes, I checked the spelling!) with one comment!
7167 hits and counting, thank you.

Be lucky,

James.

I Support Help For Heroes

"Soldiers serve their country; they are servicemen and women. They get sent to wars and they fight, that’s their job and they do their job brilliantly. Sometimes they are killed while serving their country and when that happens it is a tragedy and we remember them with pride.

Sometimes they are wounded and when that happens we must care for them. These days our front line treatment and our medics are so good that our soldiers are surviving wounds that they would have died from 10 years ago. Some of those injuries are horrific, many are amputees and many are complex trauma cases. Nowadays they don’t die,… they survive and we must ensure that they go on to live good fulfilling lives.

These wounded soldiers are our boys and girls and they are our responsibility. We, the people of Great Britain are their parents, regardless of what we might think of the wars that they fight;…they are just ordinary people who we ask to do extraordinary things.. we ask them to risk their lives on our behalf. Which means doing our utmost to support them when things go wrong."

Bryn Parry,
Appeal Chairman of Help For Heroes

Interesting Fact

Polar bears are left handed.

More Shit Music

Keep bleeding
Keep, keep bleeding love
I keep bleeding
I keep, keep bleeding love
Keep bleeding
Keep, keep bleeding love
You cut me open

I will happily cut you open if you don't stop singing this pile of arse you consider music.

James Blunt, He's Not Such A Cu*t

Two things I discovered by watching Top Gear last night.

1; Despite having a squeeky voice and giving us shit music, James Blunt is actually a top fella. He was the "Star in a reasonably priced car" and during his interview with Jeremy Clarkson he seemed really funny. He even took the piss out of himself.

2; Lewis Hamilton is also a funny little fucker. He's not faster than The Stig though.

Warning: Crack Can Kill

Bum Chin

Why don't you see people with cleft (bum) chins anymore?

I'm not talking about those with a slight dimple, I'm talking proper Kirk Douglas arse projection.

Where have they gone? Have they been taken away and disposed of? Have they all grown beards?

Sad To See The Back Of

My Name Is Earl has come to an end again.
If you don't watch this show then you're a fool.

Recently Played & Completed

Outstanding use of the PS3's power. Awesome picture and sound quality.
But, it was over far too soon.
In my opinion, a game that costs £40 should take more than 5 hours to complete.