Named And Shamed

After much deliberation we have decided to call our baby son Matthew. It appears that young Matty enjoys rooting around his nose as much as his father.

Sorry For The Delay

At 15:59 on Friday the 29th August 2008, the missus gave me a baby boy and totally rocked my world. I have so much to tell you all, including a diary I kept from the moment we entered the hospital on Thursday morning, to the moment we left this evening. But, and you knew there'd be one, for the moment I'm going to spend some quality time with my family. As of yet, the boy remains unnamed. As soon as we choose one, you'll hear it here first. For now I'll leave you with this photo and a few more words. This is my son and heir. He will forever be under my protection.
Anyone who so much as looks at him in a manner which displeases me will receive a horrendous beating.
Survivors will face his mother.
If they're unfortunate enough to survive that, then they don't want to know what the boy's uncle Paul will do to them!

Not Long Now

I will be taking Gina to the hospital soon.
In just over an hour, she will be induced.
In an unknown amount of hours I will be a father.
I don't know when the next post will be.

I'm scared.

I Don't Know What To Do With Myself

Every fibre in my body is crying out for rest. My eyes feel like they've been rolled in chilli flakes and deep fried. And still, sleep won't come for me.
I went to bed at around 10:45. I just lay there, thinking and thinking. I know I must have dozed off at some point, but it was very light sleep. I was aware of every single movement and the slightest of sounds coming from the missus. How long the sleep was for, when it started and when it ended will be a mystery to me forever. I know I'll get through the day though. Something tells me I'll find the fuel reserves, I have to.
Gina will be going through the pain of childbirth later and it's my intention to be at her side throughout.

Good grief, how cheesy is this post?

I'm too tired to care.

Childbirth Imminent

You may have had a text or a phone call. Someone else may have told you. Or, you could just be reading it here for the first time.
The missus is gonna be induced sometime between 8 & 9 am tomorrow. She's not actually due until the 7th of September but her blood pressure is still raised so they won't be taking any chances.
If I thought today was gonna be long, tomorrow doesn't bear thinking about in hours!
All I know is that I will not be leaving Gina's side for anything.
Well, maybe a quick piss now and then.
I just hope that Eileithyia is watching over us tomorrow.

Long Day

I'm in for a long one today.
It started at 4:00 when I woke up.
I'll catch my train at 5:10 (allegedly).
Work form 6:30 about 13:45.
Catch my train home about 13:53.
Get home and change around 14:45.
15:15 drive to Luton And Dunstable Hospital.
Hospital appointment at 16:00 till whenever.
Hang around until 18:00.
Maternity ward tour 18:00 until 18:30.
Drive home 18:30.
Get home around 19:00.
19:00 - 19:30, eat.
Watch Arsenal vs F.C Twente 19:45 - 21:45 ish.
Go to bed at 22:00 for six hours sleep before getting up again.

Typical Workplace Conversation

Some people are deliberately awkward.
"S'cuse me mate, which way is the exit?"
"We've got two exits mate, where do you want to go?"
"I want to go out."
"Yes, that much is obvious, but we've got two exits. Where are you going?"
"Out."
"Fine, then pick any exit you like."
"Which one's best?"
He's getting on my tits now.
"That depends on where you want to go."
"I just want to go out."
"Both exits lead out of the station, so take your pick."
"Yes, but which one is best?"
"I don't know, you won't tell me where you want to go."
"Why should I tell you where I'm going?"
"D'you know what mate? You're boring me now. You can tell me where you're going and get the quickest exit or choose an exit at random and end up lost."
"Fine! I want to got to the Novotel Hotel."
"You got out the exit to your left, turn left and it's five minutes down the road."
"There! That wasn't too difficult was it?"
"You have no idea."

The X-Factor

A show where the nations biggest cunts perform.
And don't even get me started on the contestants!

Bless Her, She Tries Her Hardest

This may look like the victim of a terrible accident involving a combine harvester, but it's actually the latest cake attempt by the missus.

Interesting Fact

Our beloved cat Peanut-Face got her name because I was drunk and shoving peanuts in my gob when we were deciding what to call her.
Although, why the missus agreed is unknown.

Making My Mind Up

You may have noticed that my blog has been changing shape and colour over the last few days. You see, I'm not quite sure what to do with it.
I'd like to break free from the "Blogspot Templates" and design my own, but I wouldn't know where to start.
So I guess that's that then.
Boring templates are us.

Bollocks!

Like countless others, I missed out on Oasis tickets this morning.
You see, the problem is that people order the maximum number of tickets permitted, keep one or two for themselves and flog the rest at massively increased prices on Ebay.
These people are complete and utter cunts and I hope they die horribly.

What's The Time Mr Wolf?

This is my new bedside clock, funky or what?

And before you ask, No I wasn't in bed at 8:40 pm on a rest day, that's just the time I took the picture.

To Hell (Ikea As Men Know It) & Back

The missus dragged me to Ikea yesterday. As usual I kept myself busy by looking for rude sounding names. It seems that Ikea are on to my one small joy as the amount of rude names are diminishing. I managed to find a couple of new ones and few old favourites, as well as a box of imaginatively named biscuits.

Of course, I had the mandatory hotdog and chips at the end of my ordeal.

Recently Read / Currently Reading

Just started this one today.

She's Mad I Tell Ya!

Just as the missus and were about to enter the hospital today, she said
"I didn't know maggots turned into flies."
I just don't know what to reply with sometimes.

It's Definitely My Child In There

The missus had to go for a check up at the hospital today. Nothing serious, just a slightly high blood pressure.
It appears that there are now two members of the family that can raise her blood pressure at will!

Nasal Hair Appeal

Since turning 30, every day has been a constant struggle against nasal hair growth. It's beginning to wear me down to the point that I'm considering snorting some sulphuric acid.
If anyone has a method of dealing with the problem, please, please let me know.
By the way, this is not my nose. I got this picture off the internet.
Honest.

Bloody Typical!

The T.V in the bedroom has been making a sort of "white noise" sound every time someone on it spoke. We arranged for an engineer to come around to check it out and surprise, surprise, it's stopped making the noise.
The engineer will be here in the next hour or so this is both annoying and potentially very embarrassing.

Update; The engineer came, changed a speaker and now there's no sound on the T.V at all. It'll be monday at the earliest when it's fixed.
Plus, why is it that every delivery driver or workman that comes to our house sounds and looks like he's about to die of a heart attack any minute?

Recently Viewed

I couldn't help thinking that I'd seen this film before. It's probably a mix-tape of loads of other gangster films.

I don't normally like Keanu Reeves, but I thought he did o.k in this film. Police, Gangs, deception, fraud and Hugh Laurie with a dodgy yank accent.

What more could you ask for?

Typical Workplace Conversation

Last night it seemed as if every other customer had some sort of mental defect. One of them especially tested my patience.

"S'cuse me mate, you gotta an Underground map?"
"I've run out in here at the moment, if you look just to your right there's a leaflet rack. It's a small leaflet with 'Tube Map' on the front."
Customer grabs a leaflet.
"This one?"
"No mate, that an Oyster Card registration form. You want the small one with 'Tube Map' on the front."
"This one?"
"No, that's a guide to this years Notting Hill Carnival. The one you want says 'Tube Map' on it."
"This one?"
"No, that's a lost property leaflet. You want a 'Tube Map'."
"This one?"
"Are you serious mate? That's a leaflet on the new terminal at Heathrow. There is a small leaflet there with the words 'Tube Map' on the front."
At last he gets it right.
"This one?"
"Yes."
"Sorry mate, I'm not from London, I've come down from Birmingham."
O.K, I didn't want his life story.
"And how is 'Tube Map' spelt in Birmingham?"

When?

I'm fed up of seeing the missus suffering.
I'd like the baby to arrive sooner rather than later. It's only 4 weeks away but seeing Gina incapacitated like this is making me very sad.

Dammit!

The moussaka was put back until tomorrow!

I Can't Wait!

My missus is making her heavenly Moussaka tomorrow!

Currently Reading

At Last, An Update!

I've been on early shifts all week and have been very busy.
As a result, I've been getting in exhausted and just lazing around, hence the lack of posts.
So, here is the news from my world;

The missus has been signed off work by the doctor until her maternity leave starts. This is due to high blood pressure, bad hips and swollen (fat) feet. She gives me an evil stare when I call her Bigfoot. Can't think why!

Hendrix the hedgehog was moved on by my brother-in-law Gary. I guess he had to really. After all, it was his stuff that Hendrix was shitting on!! He was released into the local woodlands. Hendrix that is, not Gary. Although......

Yesterday the missus and me went to her sisters for dinner. Michelle cooked a superb Pistichio, which is a greek pasta dish. Gareth helped me try out some lager. Russian, Estonion and a "Black Lager" all of which were very tasty indeed. We also discussed Facebook, but that's not for here!

Today I finished a few jobs around the house. The amount of work left is as near as makes no difference to nothing. The baby's room is only missing one thing now, the baby.

I've settled for the evening now. I'm gonna sink a few beers, watch Arsenal against Ajax and then I'm gonna watch the first 2 episodes of A Town Called Eureka season 3, which fell on to my iPod in a completely legal fashion.

Electric / Gas Meter Readers

What is wrong with these people?
Have they taken lessons in when the most awkward time to come and knock on your door is?
If it's not first thing in the morning after your last late shift, it's when you've got the entire garage stacked against the meter cupboard.
And, should you have the bollocks to say "Sorry, you'll have to come back later." they look at you as if you are smearing runny dog shit in their face.
I wouldn't mind, but judging by the bill, I'm sure they add a couple of thousand to the reading.

Recently Drank

Russian Lager with a sweet aftertaste.

Estonion Lager, very subtle.

The label is right, this lager is actually black in colour and very tasty.

Recently Viewed

An excellent film, definately better than the last one. Heath Ledger is as good as everyone says, probably better. Christian Bale's Batman accent is still annoying though. As for the 12a rating, no way. This should have been a 15.
This film is hilarious! I can't imagine anyone other than Jack Black doing Po's voice, superb.

82 minutes of my life that will never be returned. THIS FILM IS UTTER, UTTER BOLLOCKS!

Oh, Dear

There are some things that you just don't expect to read.
This post about Cling Film is one of them.

She Sings Like An Angel

The other day a bird (and I mean the feathery type) landed on our neighbours roof. Peanut-Face caught a glimpse of the bird and started making some very odd noises.