Wednesday 28 February 2007
Kill Your Speed......
Yesterday afternoon at work was quite boring.
There seemed to be very little customer flow at my window. There were plenty of people running through my station to get to the mainline station down the road though.
This is where the trouble/fun started.
I started using my barcode scanner on people who were running. I'd point the scanner at them and "trace" them as they ran past my window.
Not that funny in itself I know, but, several people were actually stupid enough to stop running and say sorry. When these people saw me laughing at them, they called me a "Cheeky Chappy" and continued running.
Actually, come to think of it, most of them called me an "Idiot".
There seemed to be very little customer flow at my window. There were plenty of people running through my station to get to the mainline station down the road though.
This is where the trouble/fun started.
I started using my barcode scanner on people who were running. I'd point the scanner at them and "trace" them as they ran past my window.
Not that funny in itself I know, but, several people were actually stupid enough to stop running and say sorry. When these people saw me laughing at them, they called me a "Cheeky Chappy" and continued running.
Actually, come to think of it, most of them called me an "Idiot".
Tuesday 27 February 2007
Cat's Lives And Autobiographies
A cat is supposed to have 9 lives right?
So, does that mean it would write 9 autobiographies?
So, does that mean it would write 9 autobiographies?
Monday 26 February 2007
Sunday 25 February 2007
With Sympathy
Two of my collagues had a rotten day today.
Firstly Barry, whose grandmother died this morning. I was with him when he took the call and he was visibly shaken.
Secondly Marlon, whose godfather died last night. Marlon was very subdued and I was quite concerned for him.
I would like to send my heartfelt sympathies to Barry, Marlon and their families.
Firstly Barry, whose grandmother died this morning. I was with him when he took the call and he was visibly shaken.
Secondly Marlon, whose godfather died last night. Marlon was very subdued and I was quite concerned for him.
I would like to send my heartfelt sympathies to Barry, Marlon and their families.
Saturday 24 February 2007
A Good Laugh
We popped over to my sis & bro-in-laws tonight. Me and Gaz had such a good laugh. We were laughing so much that we were accused of being pissed after only 4 cans of Fosters.
Now, look. I don't care what anyone says, it's impossible to pissed on this miniscule amount of "diet" beer unless you are this person!
Sorry man, I love ya really!
Now, look. I don't care what anyone says, it's impossible to pissed on this miniscule amount of "diet" beer unless you are this person!
Sorry man, I love ya really!
Friday 23 February 2007
Contagious?
During another sleepless night I got to thinking about somthing that happened recently.
The other day I was in Sainsburys near where I work. The lady who served me licked her lips, not in a sexual or provocotive way, she just licked her lips. Immediately I was hit by an overwhelming urge to lick my own lips.
The same thing happened later after a colleague licked his lips. (Definitely not sexual or provocotive!) Again, the desire to lick my own lips became insatiable.
And so I ask this question;
How many times have you licked your lips while reading this entry?
The other day I was in Sainsburys near where I work. The lady who served me licked her lips, not in a sexual or provocotive way, she just licked her lips. Immediately I was hit by an overwhelming urge to lick my own lips.
The same thing happened later after a colleague licked his lips. (Definitely not sexual or provocotive!) Again, the desire to lick my own lips became insatiable.
And so I ask this question;
How many times have you licked your lips while reading this entry?
Thursday 22 February 2007
Well Done Tiger
Congrats to Nige who got the job he applied for as a Nurse Clinically Specialassist (or something like that anyway!).
Why do job titles have to be so long these days?
Why do job titles have to be so long these days?
Wednesday 21 February 2007
Tuesday 20 February 2007
Look Out, The In-Laws Are Coming!
My In-laws are here. They sold their flat yesterday and are staying here while they look for a new place.
Since we've lived here (about 2 1/2 years) we've had my brother, my sis in-law with her fella, my mum and now the in-laws, staying here. I'm thinking of getting a revolving door fitted.
I might turn the garage into a reception lounge too.
Since we've lived here (about 2 1/2 years) we've had my brother, my sis in-law with her fella, my mum and now the in-laws, staying here. I'm thinking of getting a revolving door fitted.
I might turn the garage into a reception lounge too.
Monday 19 February 2007
Bastard Week
It's been a real fucker.
It was ok until thursday which proved to be strangely busy.
I can't begin to explain how busy friday was though, all I can say is that it was manic.
Saturday was the pits. Apart from several footie games, there was a Bollywood festival down the road, a Cypriot election across the road, Boxing at Wembley as well as all the people popping into London on the lash.
Sunday saw 300,000 people attend the Chinese new year celebrations. I'm sure I served 150,000 of those whom attended. I went home with a terminal headache.
Today I had no energy, which in a good way, was good. It meant I didn't really give a fuck about anyone's problems, all I wanted to do was go home to the missus.
I've got 2 days off now, might see if John will let me relax by his pool!
It was ok until thursday which proved to be strangely busy.
I can't begin to explain how busy friday was though, all I can say is that it was manic.
Saturday was the pits. Apart from several footie games, there was a Bollywood festival down the road, a Cypriot election across the road, Boxing at Wembley as well as all the people popping into London on the lash.
Sunday saw 300,000 people attend the Chinese new year celebrations. I'm sure I served 150,000 of those whom attended. I went home with a terminal headache.
Today I had no energy, which in a good way, was good. It meant I didn't really give a fuck about anyone's problems, all I wanted to do was go home to the missus.
I've got 2 days off now, might see if John will let me relax by his pool!
Saturday 17 February 2007
WTF?
This is a 20p coin. It has 7 (this is correct, I counted them!) sides and, therefore, should not roll very well.
This is my office floor. It is tiled, has man hole covers and is in a very poor condition. Therefore, even round coins should not roll very well upon it.
Can someone please explain to me how I managed to drop a 20p coin onto a shitty floor, and it still managed to roll out of view?
I spent ages looking for it but to no avail.
This post was recently amended after I originally wrote that a 20p had 5 sides. Thanks for the heads up Johnny!
Oh.....My......GOD!
There is not a single episode of the Simpsons on today.
I am devastated, I demand satisfaction, I demand that the producers of Sky one and Channel 4 are fired immediately! NOW!
Cunts.
I am devastated, I demand satisfaction, I demand that the producers of Sky one and Channel 4 are fired immediately! NOW!
Cunts.
Getting Old
On the 27th September 2006, I entered my 30th year. That means that on the same date this year, my age will begin with a "3". I don't know if its pshycological, but I'm starting to feel old.
Right now my left hip aches, my shoulder is stiff and I feel very, very grumpy.
Plus, I can't remember the last time I bent over to pick something up without grunting and groaning.
Please, please, please let it be pshycological. Otherwise I might as well go behind the barn and shoot myself in the face right now.
Then again, it could just be the "late shift" blues.
Right now my left hip aches, my shoulder is stiff and I feel very, very grumpy.
Plus, I can't remember the last time I bent over to pick something up without grunting and groaning.
Please, please, please let it be pshycological. Otherwise I might as well go behind the barn and shoot myself in the face right now.
Then again, it could just be the "late shift" blues.
Friday 16 February 2007
My Generation
Thursday 15 February 2007
Wednesday 14 February 2007
Tuesday 13 February 2007
How Many?
Today I've watched 5 films. That's right, 5 (five).
I started with "Red Eye". Me and the missus watched this aeroplane/hostage/terrorist film together.
Then came "Children Of Men". Again, me and the missus watched this pile of shite.
Third came "The Air Up There". A shit film with Kevin Bacon. I didn't choose to watch this film, the missus put it on whilst I prepared the roast dinner.
The fourth film was "An Odd Couple". A classic comedy, only after the missus had turned in for the night.
Finally, I've just watched "Hell In The Pacific". A classic war movie.
Can anyone beat this film haul?
I know Darryn can't, he doesn't watch films, he told me that himself.
I started with "Red Eye". Me and the missus watched this aeroplane/hostage/terrorist film together.
Then came "Children Of Men". Again, me and the missus watched this pile of shite.
Third came "The Air Up There". A shit film with Kevin Bacon. I didn't choose to watch this film, the missus put it on whilst I prepared the roast dinner.
The fourth film was "An Odd Couple". A classic comedy, only after the missus had turned in for the night.
Finally, I've just watched "Hell In The Pacific". A classic war movie.
Can anyone beat this film haul?
I know Darryn can't, he doesn't watch films, he told me that himself.
Sunday 11 February 2007
Housework
Today I actually did some housework. I hoovered the entire house and then mopped the kitchen, bathroom and living room. I'm such a good boy, she'd better not moan when the football's on later!
Friday 9 February 2007
So What Is It?
Just what is the greatest song of all time? I was having this conversation with my bro-in-law Gareth earlier. We decided that that the criteria for "best song ever" should be "your" favourite song. I'd like to know what people think. Please, please comment. Click "comments", select "other" (no need to enter a website) , leave your name and song to let us know.
To get things kick started;
"Hey Jude" by the Beatles is my ultimate song.
To get things kick started;
"Hey Jude" by the Beatles is my ultimate song.
Thursday 8 February 2007
Snowy Journey To Work...
Out the door.....
Down the pathway...
To the station...
Where a train will come
Down the pathway...
To the station...
Where a train will come
Wednesday 7 February 2007
Neanderthals
The Neanderthal people are alive and well.
I know this because I have to deal with them every day.
"Here he goes, spouting his shit again." I hear you say.
But, listen to my evidence.
These people;
- Have an inability to talk properly
- Are mostly overweight due to bad diet
- Have very thick skulls
- Stare blankly when given easily understandable information
- Drag their knuckles along the floor when walking
- Have a complete fucking idiot as their leader
Yes my friends, Neanderthals are alive and well.
Or, as they prefer to be called, "Americans".
I know this because I have to deal with them every day.
"Here he goes, spouting his shit again." I hear you say.
But, listen to my evidence.
These people;
- Have an inability to talk properly
- Are mostly overweight due to bad diet
- Have very thick skulls
- Stare blankly when given easily understandable information
- Drag their knuckles along the floor when walking
- Have a complete fucking idiot as their leader
Yes my friends, Neanderthals are alive and well.
Or, as they prefer to be called, "Americans".
Sunday 4 February 2007
The Man Who Lives At The Bottom Of My Hill
The man who lives at the bottom of my hill never wears sleeves. Ever.
Tonight, on my way back from the station, he was doing some work under the bonnet of his car. It's extremely cold, frost is already settling on parked cars, still he wore no sleeves. A couple of weeks ago there was about an inch and a half of snow, it was minus four, still he wore no sleeves. He has a beard, smokes a pipe and wears no sleeves.
That's why the man who lives at the bottom of my hill is the hardest man I know.
Tonight, on my way back from the station, he was doing some work under the bonnet of his car. It's extremely cold, frost is already settling on parked cars, still he wore no sleeves. A couple of weeks ago there was about an inch and a half of snow, it was minus four, still he wore no sleeves. He has a beard, smokes a pipe and wears no sleeves.
That's why the man who lives at the bottom of my hill is the hardest man I know.
Saturday 3 February 2007
Happy Birthday Papa Bear!
Happy birthday to my dad who is 57 today. Good food, good company and (most importantly) good beer! See you soon Papa Bear!
Friday 2 February 2007
Long Day
Today I helped my sis-in-law and her fella move home to Aylesbury. We left my house at 7:45am and I've only arrived home at 11:10pm. With all the lifting, driving vans (which don't want to stay on the road) and putting stuff together, I'm absolutely shattered. I'm going to bed for a very long time.
Thursday 1 February 2007
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