No, I will not be taking your ranky stinky money!
"Hello, can I buy an Oyster card please?"
"Sure, that'll be £3 deposit for the card, plus the amount you want to add on."
"Can I put a tenner on?"
"Yep, that'll be £13 then please."
The customer takes a step back, lifts up his right leg, takes off his shoe, stretches his sock to one side and pulls out a £20 note. He slides it into the cash tray.
"Are you serious? I'm not taking that mate."
"What?"
"That money's just come out of your sock, I'm not accepting it."
"Why? It's still money."
"Yeah, but, it's come out of your ranky stinky sock, it's un-hygenic. I'm not taking it. You need to pay with an alternative method."
"It's legal tender, you have to accept it!"
"I'll accept it on one condition."
"What?"
"I'll put your legal tender change into my pants and you come and collect it in 2 hours."
The bloke mutters something to himself, then borrows £20 from his girlfriend and pays.
"You're not allowed to refuse money, I'm going to report you."
"I've got a customer service card in my sock if you want it."
Again, he mutters something to himself, then walks away.
Monday, 30 August 2010
Sunday, 22 August 2010
She's Mad I Tell Ya!
I get in from work and the Missus is ironing in the kitchen.
"Fuckin 'ell love, it's roasting in here. Why don't you iron in the living room?"
"I've nearly finished now. I had the window open earlier, but I closed it 'cos it was too see-through."
"Erm, yes. That can be a problem with windows can't it?!"
"Fuckin 'ell love, it's roasting in here. Why don't you iron in the living room?"
"I've nearly finished now. I had the window open earlier, but I closed it 'cos it was too see-through."
"Erm, yes. That can be a problem with windows can't it?!"
Wednesday, 18 August 2010
Typical Workplace Conversation
When is a bike not a bike?
When you take the wheels off according to this fella.
"Can you open the gate so I can get my bike through?"
"No, sorry mate. Bikes aren't allowed on the system between 4:00pm and 7:00pm."
"Why not?" (GRRRRRRR!!)
"Because it's peak period mate. Trains and platforms are crowded, your bike would cause an obstruction."
"Oh it's alright, I'll wait for a quiet train."
"It's 5:30pm mate, there are no quiet trains. That's why we don't allow bikes in during peak periods."
"What if I take the wheels off?"
"Then you'll still have a bike, only it won't have any wheels on. It'll be less manouverable and you'll have more to carry, causing much more of an obstruction."
"You're just being fucking awkward! How the fuck am I supposed to get to Liverpool Street then?!"
"Do you seriously want me to answer that?"
When you take the wheels off according to this fella.
"Can you open the gate so I can get my bike through?"
"No, sorry mate. Bikes aren't allowed on the system between 4:00pm and 7:00pm."
"Why not?" (GRRRRRRR!!)
"Because it's peak period mate. Trains and platforms are crowded, your bike would cause an obstruction."
"Oh it's alright, I'll wait for a quiet train."
"It's 5:30pm mate, there are no quiet trains. That's why we don't allow bikes in during peak periods."
"What if I take the wheels off?"
"Then you'll still have a bike, only it won't have any wheels on. It'll be less manouverable and you'll have more to carry, causing much more of an obstruction."
"You're just being fucking awkward! How the fuck am I supposed to get to Liverpool Street then?!"
"Do you seriously want me to answer that?"
Monday, 9 August 2010
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