More "300" Shots.

Did I mention that I'm desperate to see this film?

Is That All You've got?

Spurs;
Three shots on target in 3 1/2 hours?
Against a weakened Gooner side?
You're a fucking disgrace!
2 nil then you fucked it up,
2 nil then you fucked it up,
et-cetera, et-fucking-cetera!

Movie Images For "300"

I'm desperate to see this movie!
Hard Bastards.
Double hard bastards.
Persian: "One hundred nations descend upon you. Our arrows will blot out the sun."
Spartan: "Then we'll fight in the shade."
Go tell the Spartans, passerby: that here, by Spartan law, we lie.

Just Read

Outstanding!
Check out the trailers for the forthcoming movie.

Job Done

And I still had time to cook dinner! Notice; Gina's artwork on the fridge.

D.I.Why?

With my week off I've decided (or should that be; I've been told) to finish the kitchen. I've spent most of the last 3 hours on my knees fitting the panels under the new units. Just having a quick break, I only hope the missus don't read this. She doesn't allow rest breaks you know. She's so mean to me.
I also have very smelly farts today which isn't helping. The kitchen smells like the inside of a packet of dry roasted peanuts.

Watched Last Night

Had no luck in my attempt at making Peanut-Face puke, so I watched this instead.

Alone Time

As posted earlier, I'm unexpectedly off this week.
Usually when I'm off the missus books time off too. Due to the short notice of my holiday she wasn't able to and is on night's. As a result I'm so bored. Me and the missus get on really well, (even after nine years) so when she's not around I feel alone. I'm really bored, I've even tried to make the cat vomit, no luck though.
Hooray for the Top Gear return though, it was a brief period of entertainment in an otherwise boring night.
Think I'll try to puke the cat again.......

Recently Watched

This is a great film, I didn't think I'd like it to be honest but there you go.

It's about a dysfunctional family who take a roadtrip so the youngest can enter the "Little Miss Sunshine" competition. That's why the film's called what it is.

Abigail Breslin, who plays young Olive, is surely destined for greater things. But, the film is stolen (in my opinion) by the "Gay Suicidal Uncle" played by the supurb Steve Carrell. Grandpa's damned funny too.

Wheelie Luggage Users...

...when walking through a busy railway station, why not stop or turn suddenly without any consideration to those beside or behind you, causing an innocent person to nearly trip and smash their skulls on the cold marble floor.
Cunts.

And...

...put your shoes on you smelly fuck!

Fucking Result!

I found out today that I'm on holiday next week. That's great news because I thought I wouldn't be getting it cos I took several odd days leave last year.
Like I said, Fucking result!

Which One?

Why, when people text you their new mobile number, do they think it's o.k just to give their first name?
I had one today, but over the years there's been far too many to count.
It wouldn't be so bad if the persons name was "Qwerty Uiop" (although, that's a really shit name) because you'd only know one of them. Probably.
So, if you have a regular name, I dunno, like "Gary" please leave your surname cos I probably know more than one. Because I'm super popular and all that.

Woo-hoo! Er, 2-2

Congrats to the Arsenal schoolboy side, who came back from 2-0 down, against Tottenwank Hotspurts strongest team.
Thank's to all those who sent gobby half-time messages, I believe they call it counting your chickens.

Robbie Savage Breaks His Leg

GOOD!

Pissed Off

I really hate my job. There are some days where I just feel like walking out and shouting "BOLLOCKS!" to it all. There's no challenge in it for me, all I do is deal with other peoples miniscule problems.
"My Oyster card isn't working."
"Put some fucking credit on it then you stupid cu*t!"
I don't actually say that, I'd like to.
Luckily I work with a good group of people (except one or two of them are spurs fans) and that relieves some of the stress.
But seriously though, put some credit on your Oyster card.

That's Gotta Hurt!

Is Anyone There?

Seriously, is there?

Cosmic

Can you tell what it is yet?

Arsenal 2-1 Mank U

Who are ya?! Who are ya?!

Arsene Wenger's red and white army!

Thieeerry, wo'o ho'o ooh, Thieeerry, wo'o ho'o ooh!

You're shiiit and you know you are, you're shiiit and you know you are!

We'll probably loose to Wigan next week now.

Chip & Pain

Notice to stupid people;
I'm sick of waiting behind you while you dick around with your entire phone's memory looking for your pin number.
It's 4 fucking numbers for fucks sake! Are you really that thick?

Shit Things Parents Say/Do #7

"Don't play with it or it will fall off!"
Yeah, alright. I've been playing with mine for years and it's still there.
And I haven't gone blind either!

Saddam's Cat

High Wind Cancellations

Bastardfuckingshitcuntwankshitfuckcockfuckarsecuntbastardfuckingwankshitarsebastardfuckingcunt!

Bollocks!

Fish

It stinks and all tastes the same, can't it come in different flavours like crisps do?
The day someone invents cheese and onion flavoured fish, I'm in there man.

Shit Things Parents Say/Do #5&6

#5; Ground you for using the word "fanny" in front of your nan.
#6; Send you to the shop for them, even though you're grounded for using the word "fanny" in front of your nan.
Either I'm grounded or I'm not, which is it?

Andrei Shevchenko

£5,000,000 per goal, bargain.

David Beckham - An Apology

A few days ago I insulted David Beckham.
I would like to apologise for suggesting that Mr Beckham was only interested in money and not football.
However, since that entry Mr Beckham has stated on numerous occasions that he is going to the U.S for footballing reasons, not because he'll be earning £500,000 a week. I, erm, believe him.
And by the way, his wife does not look like 2 tits on a stick.

Charity Bastards

I'm all for charity, me. Only last weekend I gave some clothes to a charity for naked people. See "Sort Out". I also put loose change in those charity tubs.
But, while walking from work to the rail station (about 200 metres), I was approached by no less than 7 charity workers.
"Good afternoon sir, do you have a few moments?"
"Hello sir, do you have a minute?"
"Hi sir, can you spare a few seconds?"
"Et cetera, et-fucking-cetera"
First things first, calling me "sir" will not make me think "Wow, this person really respects me. Perhaps I should let them bore me for 5 minutes, then give them my bank details so they can debit my account."
Secondly, why do you need 10 people (I managed to dodge 3) from the same charity within such a small distance? It seems like you're ganging up on people.
"Excuse me wankers, kindly get out of my mother fucking way. I don't have a moment, minute or second in which I could allow you to bore and rob me!"
Bastards.

Shit Things Parents Say/Do #4

The great Santa load of bollocks. He doesn't exist, don't lie to us in a feeble attempt to make us behave. Twats.

Chesney Hawks

Floppy haired one hit fucking wonder.

Shit Things Parents Say/Do #3

Tell you that you will like vegetables if you try them, when you know that you won't.
The lying fuckers.

Happy Birthday

Happy birthday to Teresa, my bestest buddy's wife who isn't 40 yet!

Shit Things Parents Say/Do #2

Call you a filthy little sod, then spit on a hankey and then use said spit to "clean" your face.
The dirty bastards!

Not A Happy Bunny

Yesterday when I got home from work there was a nasty surprise waiting for me. My sister-in-law and her fella were here (only kidding)! They were here but the real nasty was the £50 penalty fare from the congestion charge fuckers. Turns out that when the missus went to London the other day she neglected to pay. She has no money so it's me who had to pay the fine.
There are a few "favours" coming my way soon methinks!

Shit Things Parents Say/Do #1

"Don't eat apple seeds or a tree will grow in your belly."
No, it won't, fucking idiot.

Violin

Scratchy, whining, shitty instrument. Why doesn't it just fuck off?!

Just Reading

A quote;

Celebrity Magazines

"She's too FAT!"

"Wait, she's too SKINNY!"

"Or is she so utterly FANTASTIC it's not true?"

"No, she's a SLAPPER! With sweat patches!"

For fuck's sake,at least make your minds up.

Beckham To Join LA Galaxy

So?! Beckham hasn't been a football superstar since he joined Real Madrid. In fact, Real and Beckham have won nothing since he signed at the end of the 2002-2003 season. Nothing, not a thing, not even a fair play award. The truth is that he probably couldn't handle a return to the Premiership anyway, so where else could he have gone? No other European club who genuinly want to compete for silverware are gonna spend tonnes on a 32 year old prima-donna.
No, it's best this way, send him to the retirement home known as MLS. Let him earn £128 million in 5 years for entertaining a load of fat ignorant americans, who can't see he's way past his prime. Idiots.
Either that or take him behind the barn and shoot him in the face.

8 Days A Week, Cough

I start my first shift in a run of eight today. Working eight days in a row is a pain in the arse but at least I get 4 days off at the end of it. My plight isn't helped by the fact that my shift starts at a different time for the first 5 days of this run. It leaves your body not knowing if it should be going to bed or not.
the other thing that isn't helping is that I can't seem to shake this cold off, it's already been 10 days. I'm still coughing at night and my nose seems to have turned into a tap which is permanently turned on.

Sort Out

Me and the missus sorted through our wardrobe today. It was well overdue I can tell you. We ended up having three piles.
1; Stuff we wear on a regular basis.
2; Stuff we need to diet in order to get into.
3; Stuff we don't want.
With the stuff we didn't want (three bags worth) we took to charity bins. That's my charity work for the year sorted!
The stuff we can't fit into we put into the top of the wardrobe, no doubt it'll be this lot we take to the charity bins next year!
And as for the stuff we wear on a regular basis, they will become next years "need to diet pile".
It's the circle of life you know.

Back In The Day

Me and the missus were looking at some old photos and found these;

Our kid was so cool man!

Me and our kid as, erm, well, kids;

Cars

My First car, a 900cc Austin Metro;
My dream car, a 1964 Ford Mustang;

Liverpool

You're shit and you know you are,
you're shit and you know you are,
you're shit and you know you are,
you're shit and you know you are,
yooouu're shiiiit aaaand yoouu know you are!

Cough, Spit, Cough

I'm at the stage of my cold where I feel physically fine but all I seem to do is cough up a dark green pile of jelly every few minutes. It's always worse in the mornings for some reason, I guess that while I've been sleeping it's had time to settle. Luckily I have restrained myself from taking a picture of said jelly and posting it, there's still time though!

F.A Cup

It was the 3rd round of the F.A Cup today.
The mighty Gooners battered Liverpool 3-1.
Chelsea scraped a win against the Macc lads.
Charlton are shit.
So are Sheffield Utd.
There were a few insignificant results too, but I won't go in to them. The only thing left to say is.....
"COME ON THE CARDIFF!"

T'internet Cat

Just Read (In The Toilet)

My mum buys me this every christmas for some reason.

"What's Wrong With You?!"

A few weeks ago I posted that I had a bad hangover and was getting no sympathy from the missus (deservedly so). However, this week I've got a cold and no matter how bad it is I get nothing but abuse from the woman.
"What's wrong with you?!"
"For fuck's sake, take some cough medicine!"
"There's nothing wrong with you!"
Let's clear 2 things up shall we.
#1; Coughing is one of the body's ways of getting rid of all the shit that built up during the infectious period of the cold. Supressing the cough with medicine may mean your bird gets a good nights kip, but it also means keeping the infected bile in your system for longer.
#2; Is it any wonder we men play up on colds if all we get is abuse with not a smidging of sympathy? Just ask how we are instead of telling us.

Marginally Better

I feel a bit better this morning. The aches and shivvers seem to have calmed down, still there but calmer. I still feel a bit groggy and sore of throat, but other than that I feel o.k.
I spent as much time in bed as possible, ate loads, drank tonnes upon tonnes of water and took plenty of Paracetemol & Nurofen.
With a bit of luck I should be fully recovered in a couple of days, however, if I do see that coughing, sneezing bloke again I'll be sure to have a word. Either that or inject him with Ebola.

It's Flu I Tell You

To the man who was coughing and sneezing his face off opposite me on the 13:00 from Leighton Buzzard to Euston yesterday; You're a wanker! Because of your inability to cover your mouth and nose; I ache from head to toe, my eyes sting like hell, my nose is blocked and my throat is red raw. This is the last thing I need when on late shifts and I've still got 6 to go.

On My Own

I'm all alone, the missus is at work and my other guests left a couple of hours ago.
I feel delicate today for obvious reasons. I was gonna try not to drink booze today but, as my hangover is persisting, I think I'll need a hair of the dog to sort it out.
I'm going back to work tomorrow, seven late shifts. It's going be hell because all the fares will have changed. I'm guessing I'll be in for some abuse when I ask customers for £4 just for a single journey.
Anyway, HAPPY NEW YEAR!

Trivial Pursuit

Question;
What speed record did Bruce Bursford raise to 128 mph without going anywhere?
Sis-in-law Emma;
Whistling.
Question;
Who revolutionised the way we look at photos by introducing their C.D photo albums?
Sis-in-law Emma;
How do you spell C.D?
Classic!

Happy New Year!

Our kid couldn't find a champagne glass!