2008 - A Review

Yeah, it weren't bad actually.

Water Way To Be Treated! (Sorry)

It appears that young Matthew has discovered how to kick and splash water all over us (and everything else for that matter) when we're bathing him.
He also finds it hilarious.

Got It!!

15 bar pump pressure.
680 watts.
1.2 litre capacity.
Reduced drip system.
Milk frother.
Cup warming/storage plate.
Transparent water tank.
Removable drip tray.
For use with coffee pods and ground coffee.
Makes 2 cups simultaneously.
3 filter baskets included (1 cup ground, 1 cup pod, 2 cups ground).
Non slip feet.

I had to go over to Argos in Aylesbury to get the last one.

I Don't Want To Seem Ungrateful.......

For Christmas, the missus bought me a Sony PSP.
At first I was really made up and then I started to think about it.
Did I really need a PSP?
I can watch films and listen to music on my iPod, so the only function that appealed to me was the ability to game while on the move.
The other thing that made me think twice was the issue of games. Most games released on the PSP are also released on the PS3. Would I rather buy and play a game in High Definition on a 42 inch screen or in lesser quality on a small screen? No competition really.
So, I delicately told the missus that I was worried the PSP would go to waste and she agreed that we should take it back, refund it and use the money to buy my new espresso maker instead.
The only problem is that the espresso maker I wanted appears to have stopped being sold by everyone, so I'm currently presentless in a present filled world.
I'd better do some research on espresso makers.

Merry Christmas

Well, as the title suggests, I'd like to wish you all a very Merry Christmas.
Obviously.

Shiny, Shiny, New Fridge

Despite my sweary, fretting attitude, we did manage to get a fridge yesterday. Luckily, my father-in-law has a Vauxhall Zafira and with a little help (some rope and my right foot) we managed to squeeze it in and bring it home.

It's a Hotpoint RL150 Silver;

Capacity - 290Litre
Energy Rating - A
Shelves - Safety glass
Ice Compartment - No
Dimensions - H:1500mm W:600mm D:600mm

I don't know what any of the above means, but I do know that I'm £293 notes lighter than when I woke up yesterday morning.

Festive Food

The missus made this very attractive cake today. Considering her previous efforts, I think it's fantastic.

Perfect Fucking Timing!

Our fridge is fucked.
I dunno exactly what is wrong and quite frankly, I couldn't give a shit.
All I know, is it keeps tripping the circuit breaker on my fuse box.
So now I need to buy a new fridge, two days before christmas.
Do you reckon they'll deliver it before the big day?
I don't.

Snap, Crackle And Pop

That's the noise my body is making today after sleeping on the sofa bed in the spare room last night.
I don't know why I had to sleep there, well, I do actually, but I don't know what the reason was for the reason that I was forced to sleep there.
I've confused myself now.
Last night, I came in through the back door so as not to wake Matty up. As I passed the spare room, I noticed the bed was made up in the spare room. A quick peak around the door frame revealed that the bed was empty.
There was talk of the missus' parents coming up today, so I assumed she was just being pro-active.
But no.
Passing through the living room I noticed a handbag identical my sister-in-laws (I only know this because I was there when the missus bought it for her, I'm not some kind of handbag sex addict). Again, I started to assume. Has the missus bought the same bag?
I then arrived into the passage way to the bedroom and noticed a pair of hair straightners that were not property of the missus. In fact, they also look tike my sister-in-laws (I only know this because I've seen her use them on countless occasions, I do not have a sexual fetish for hair straightners).
Finally, I go into the bedroom and notice that my space is being slept in by my sister-in-law. At this point I'm starting to understand how the three bears must've felt.
The missus awakes, so I ask her what's going on.
"Nothing."
I get my sleeping gear and go to get changed. I returned to our room to put my pants in the wash bin and ask the missus "what's going on" again.
"Nothing."
So that was that then. Nothing was going on.
And, as a result of nothing going on, I had to sleep on the sofa bed in the spare room.
And now I ache from my arse to my skull, for nothing.

Recently Completed

Right, now back to Dead Space.

It's squeaky bum time methinks!

UPDATE: I thought I'd write a little review seeing as I was waiting for this game for ages.

It is, quite simply, astonishing!

Let's put aside the absolutely stunning graphics and concentrate on the gameplay.

This game has it all, first person shooter, acrobatics, strategy, athletics and beautiful graphic novel style cutscenes.

You can choose whether or not you want to take on the enemy and how violently.

You don't have to take the most obvious route to your goal either, there's plenty of options.

I could go on and on about how good this game is, but you should really buy it for yourself.

As for me, well, I'm gonna finish Dead Space and then play this again.

Recently Completed

I finally got around to playing the game itself after weeks of being killed online.
I need to crack on with Mirrors Edge as I've still got two levels left.
As for Dead Space, well, I can only play that during daylight hours due to my cowardly nature!

Mental Cruelty

Just look at the poster they've put opposite my ticket office window! So now I'm at work all day thinking of beer!
Utter, utter bastards!

Typical Workplace Conversation

So, I'm out on the gateline covering a meal break, when a customer approaches me.

"Oi mate, where's the toilet?"
"Sorry dude, there's no public toilet on this station."
"So what? Am I supposed to piss on the track?"
"You can if you want mate, but several hundred volts of direct current passing through your bollocks can really ruin your day."
"Err, I'll wait till I get home."
"Probably for the best."

Nelson Sings The Blur

Wanting For Christmas

Like Father Like Son

As you may remember, I'm not a fan of the "Father Christmas" conspiracy.
Well, it appears that my beloved son Matty doesn't care for Santa either. Yesterday we all went to Tesco's to pick up some stuff for today's dinner.
Outside the store was "Santa" himself.
Against my wishes, the missus stopped the trolley so Matty could see him. I only wish I'd recorded what happened next.
"Santa" waved at Matty.
Matty looked at "Santa" and then burst into tears.
Quality!

Early Christmas Dinner

We had an early Christmas dinner with my mum today as we won't be having dinner at home on Christmas day. This was the last chance we'd be able to fit a proper Christmas dinner in before the day itself.

It was fucking lovely!

More Shit Music

Wiley - Cash In My Pocket

Squirrels in your what now?


The Killers - Human

Are we humans
Or are we dancer

Are you suggesting we can't be both?

Typical Workplace Conversation

As it's winter and very cold on the station platform at 5 a.m, I bought a new hat and scarf. On the first morning of wearing the combo I arrived at work and bumped into my mate Warren.

"You look like a cunt in that hat!"

Instantly, I replied with;

"You look like a cunt all the time!"

That'll teach him to start on me first thing in the morning!

Interesting Fact

Despite the lack of proper thumbs, dogs are excellent pilots.
In fact, the R.A.F only employ humans as ground crew.

It Hurts More Seeing It Affect Him

Matty has caught the cold I've been fighting off.
This cold knocked seven shades of shit out of me, so I don't want to know what it's doing to his poor little body.
I feel like punching myself in the face for giving it to him.

Finally Feeling Better

After a whole week of feeling like shit and being full of fever, I'm finally feeling better today.
I've got a few updates planned, but I'll leave you with some facts and figures for now.

Since Wednesday afternoon;

48- Paracetamol
22- Ibuprofen
12- Doses of Cavonia cough medicine
9- Throat lozenges
2- Boxes of household tissues
Unknown amounts of toilet paper
4- Packs of pocket tissues
7- 'Breathe Right' nasal strips
2,000,000- litres of water
4- Delirium filled nights
2- Nights spent on my own
0- Days off work

Someone Help Me, Please!

I've just had to sit through my first christmas film of the year.

And I had to do it without alcohol!

It's all downhill from here!

Sick Again

So, what have I been up to?
Well, fuck all to tell you the truth.
The only thing that's happened is that I managed to catch another cold on wednesday. I mean, for fucks sake! I only had one a couple of months ago! All joking about avian and man flu aside, this is a particulary nasty bug I've got at the moment and I haven't felt this run down for years. Mind you, I suspect that rolling in from the pub at 2 a.m on tuesday night didn't help!

Update Coming Soon

Probably.

Currently Reading

Recently Viewed

A film for Ricky Gervais fans only. Lucky I think he's great then.

Shite.

Homer Knows Best #12

Homer: Homer no function beer well without.

Between Removals

So that's that then, three of the last four days were spent helping friends and family move.
Lifting, carrying, lowering, pushing, pulling, shifting, shoving, shunting, dis-assembling, re-assembling, up attics, down cellars, early starts and late finishes.
If you need help moving any time within the next twelve months, then please do not hesitate to call.......


....someone else.

Seriously, fuck off.

Relief

Apparently my nanna doesn't have cancer.
I don't know who made the fuck up and quite frankly, I don't care.
As long as she's not cursed with this cunt of an illness, I'm happy.

Where'd I Go?

Apologies for the lack of updates, I've been on annual leave this week and I just couldn't be arsed.
Don't expect any significant update in the next few days either, I've been helping my brother in law move today and will be again tomorrow.
Then I'll be helping my buddy Darryn move on Tuesday.
Maybe I should become a removals man!
If I'm not completely exhausted by Wednesday, I might paint the garage.



Yeah, alright! Maybe I'll get pissed instead!

Shiny, Shiny, New Coins

I'm sure you've seen, or even had some in your pocket already, but these are the latest coins from the Royal Mint.

I just have to say that I think they're fantastic.

I mean, just look at them.

Look!

They're stunning!

There Are Some Days.......

......... when you feel fed up all day for no apparent reason.
Today is one of those days.

Currently Playing

I'm still working my way slowly through Dead Space too.

I dunno how I'm gonna alternate between the three!

Perfect Start To The Day

Matty was stirring so I picked him up and had a lovely, long warm cuddle with him until he he fell back to sleep.
I'm now ready for anything the day can throw at me.

Unless it's dog shit, I'm not ready for that.

More Success

I've made it into "Cunts Corner" again, with a comment about that atrocity of a "comedy" Two And A Half Men.

Make Me Smile, Make Me Smile

Before the footy on tuseday night, we went to a bar (surprised?).
I went to the loo and was immediately fed up when I saw one of those "Toilet Attendants".
You know the ones, they hang around in toilets, turn on the taps for you, hand you a single sheet of economy kitchen towel and then offer to spray you with something from an aftershave bottle, which is probably yak's piss.
Then he's got the nerve to point at a stainless steel plate and repeat "Make me smile, make me smile."
These people are now second on my list of hatred after them optimistic charity street fucks.

My Rest Days

On Tuesday night I went to the Emirates stadium to see the Arsenal youth team wipe the floor with Wigan 3-0 in the Carling Cup.
On Wednesday I had a hangover, a sore throat and fingers that smelled of chicken balti.
Wednesday was also my niece's 6th birthday so we went out for dinner with some family.

Never Forget

Typical Workplace Conversation

Some people are just plain stupid.

"How do I get to High Street Kensington?"
"Take a Cirlce line train from platform one."
"Do I have to get off?"
"Sorry?"
"Do I have to get off the train?"
"Well, yeah. Cos if you stay on the train, you'll go past your stop."

Currently Eating

Interesting Fact

Fox's Glacier Mints are made from baby foxes.

Quality Film Quote # 32

Brian: I'm not the Messiah!
Arthur: I say you are, lord, and I should know... I've followed a few.
Followers: Hail Messiah!
Brian: I'm not the Messiah! Will you please listen? I am not the Messiah, do you understand? Honestly!
Girl: Only the true Messiah denies His divinity!
Brian: What?! Well, what sort of chance does that give me? All right... I AM THE MESSIAH!
Followers: HE IS! HE IS THE MESSIAH!
Brian: NOW, FUCK OFF!!!!
[there is a long awkward silence.]
Arthur: ... How shall we fuck off, oh Lord?

Fornicating Geriatric Vagina

We have a book at work for recording any anti-social behaviour. While flicking through it last night, I found this gem from a couple of years back.

Wednesday 7/6/06 23:18

Potter (a former beggar, ticket tout and all round trouble maker) seen on the north exit stairs.
Called me a fucking old cunt.

C.S.A Young (now retired)

Well, it made me laugh anyway.

Recently Viewed

I'm probably going against the flow with this one, but I thought this film was a load of bollocks.

I'm gonna have to watch this again, I don't think you can take everything in on an iPod.

The "C" Word

I've had the misfortune today, to discover that my nanna has cancer of the lungs.
Due to her age and previous illness, treatment would only take her from us sooner.
I don't know how to feel right now.

Visually Impaired Person

I had my eyes tested today and it seems that I need glasses. Apparently I'm very slightly short sighted.
Although the picture above was taken a few years ago while dicking around, it gives you a rough idea of what I'll look like, if you see me driving at night. Only I've picked trendier glasses.
And I'm fatter.
And balder.

They Saw Me Coming

Just lately I've noticed a few issues with my eyesight.
Driving seems to be taking more attention than it used to and, the other day, I was struggling to read the menu on the wall of a coffee shop.
On friday I've booked my first ever proper eye test. It will cost me £20.
Fucking £20!
At that price, I hope they find something wrong so that the money won't have been a waste!
Robbing cunts!

I'm Not Jealous

The missus took delivery of her brand new iPhone today and I'm not at all jealous.




Bitch.

Throbbing

It's been 3 and a bit days since I slipped down the steps while carrying shopping.
And still my ankle is throbbing. I can literally feel my heartbeat in my foot.
At least the swelling's gone down.

I'll Have A Pint Of What She's On

Currently Shitting My Pants Playing

Notice the lack of a Lego theme Andy?

Arrgh! Or However A Painful Cry's Spelt

This afternoon, the missus met me at the station and we popped to Tesco's for a few essentials.
When we got home, we unloaded Matty and then started on the shopping.
While carrying some of the shopping in I managed to slip down the stairs at the back of my house and twist my ankle, which is just fucking typical! I live in a bungalow and the only steps on my entire property are the two that lead from the driveway to my back door.
I left it a few hours but the pain gradually increased along with some swelling, so my own personal nurse has strapped me up and told me not to be such a ladyboy.
I've had to call in sick to work for the time being (sorry lads), with a bit of luck I won't be stuck on my arse for too long as I hate feeling useless.
The only thing I'm grateful for is that it happened when I had shopping in my hands and not Matty.

Quality T.V

Matty Tatty

All healed up and looking good, I think.

My Cat The Murderer

On monday night, our beloved Peanut-Face brought home a mouse. The only problem was that it was still alive. As I was at work, it fell into the missus' hands to run around, with Matty in one hand and an empty chocolate box in the other. She eventually caught it and released it out the front of the house.
Learning her lesson, Peanut-Face decided to ensure that the on she brought home on wednesday night was dead.

Not So Modern Technology

Chip and Pin has been nationwide since 2004 and there is a rather sturdy chip and pin device outside of the ticket office window.
So why the fuck are a large percentage of idiots still handing me their bank cards?

Typical Workplace Conversation

Some people need a slap accross the head......... hard.
"Excuse me, how do I get to Hammersmith?"
"Go to platform number one and wait for a train that has Hammersmith on the front of it."
"And will that go to Hammersmith?"
"Well, if it has Hammersmith on the front, it's obviously going to Hammersmith."
"Will it take me straight there?"
"Yes."
"Where do I need to change?"
"As we've just discussed, if the train has Hammersmith on the front, it will go to Hammersmith, directly, with out any need to change trains."
"From platform four right?"
"You can look for platform four if you want, but we don't have one. I said platform one."

Recently Viewed

Misery Guts

I've got a stinking cold and I'm on late shifts.
How shit is that?

Currently Playing

New Isn't Always Better

Apologies for the lack of updates.
We're having problems with the new router.
I doubt I'll even finish this entry before the dreaded "This programme is not responding" message appears.

Graze Anatomy

I smashed my knee while getting out of the car today. You can clearly see the flesh wound I received, but if you do need to look closer, just click the photo.
I expect sympathetic comments.

Magnetic Matty

Today we took Matty over to Milton Keynes shopping centre for the first time. It was the first time we'd taken him on a long shopping trip so I wore the baby carrier my sister-in-law bought him.
Let me just tell you, me + baby carrier + Matty = babe magnet!
Well alright then, Matty = babe magnet.
Me = fat bloke with a cute baby strapped to his chest!

Homer Knows Best #11

Homer: Son, I just want you to know I have total faith in you.
Bart: Since when?
Homer: Since your mother yelled at me.

I Need Another Holiday Already !

Whilst I was glad for the change of scenery, I can't tell you how glad I am that this week of work is over.
Sometimes people exagerate and say they haven't stopped all week, but I can genuinely say that I haven't stopped all week!
Every day has been busy due to the new college / university term starting. Include some dodgy ticket machines, crap accounting facilities, broken printers, a shit repair engineer who leaves with things worse than when he started, colleagues forgetting to put sacks in the safe, a bloke called Warren, and you've got yourself a really bad week at work!
I make it beer o'clock, don't you?

Absence Makes The Legs Jiggle Stronger

Being back at work has brought about mixed feelings.
Yes, it's great to be getting out of the house, even if I do have to answer stupid questions all day.
But I was surprised at how much I missed my family. Sure, I knew that would be the case, but I wasn't expecting to sit there all day watching the clock and jiggling my legs, desperate for my shift to end.
Only two more shifts to go, then I've got a long weekend with them both.

Currently Listening To

An outstanding album. Took a while to get used to, but then those banging drum beats drew me in. "Bag It Up" is the best album opener I've heard in ages.

Be Warned

The cows shall have their day!

Currently Reading

Currently Wearing

Considering Buying

Eagerly Awaiting

Read the book (if you didn't already) and await the film.
That's an order!

Dummy Floor Love Link

Just what is the attraction between dummies and the floor?
Is it physical?
Why do I spend half of my day picking these things up, washing and sterilizing them, when they're just gonna try to dry hump the floor again?
Rubbery, plasticy, baby soothing cunts!

Red And Yellow And...........

I took this picture of a rainbow on Wednesday afternoon.
Ahhh, pretty, pretty colours!

The Baby Carrier

Daddy's view;
Matty's view;
Funny, it don't seem like I've got that many chins from this angle!