Visually Impaired Person

I had my eyes tested today and it seems that I need glasses. Apparently I'm very slightly short sighted.
Although the picture above was taken a few years ago while dicking around, it gives you a rough idea of what I'll look like, if you see me driving at night. Only I've picked trendier glasses.
And I'm fatter.
And balder.

They Saw Me Coming

Just lately I've noticed a few issues with my eyesight.
Driving seems to be taking more attention than it used to and, the other day, I was struggling to read the menu on the wall of a coffee shop.
On friday I've booked my first ever proper eye test. It will cost me £20.
Fucking £20!
At that price, I hope they find something wrong so that the money won't have been a waste!
Robbing cunts!

I'm Not Jealous

The missus took delivery of her brand new iPhone today and I'm not at all jealous.




Bitch.

Throbbing

It's been 3 and a bit days since I slipped down the steps while carrying shopping.
And still my ankle is throbbing. I can literally feel my heartbeat in my foot.
At least the swelling's gone down.

I'll Have A Pint Of What She's On

Currently Shitting My Pants Playing

Notice the lack of a Lego theme Andy?

Arrgh! Or However A Painful Cry's Spelt

This afternoon, the missus met me at the station and we popped to Tesco's for a few essentials.
When we got home, we unloaded Matty and then started on the shopping.
While carrying some of the shopping in I managed to slip down the stairs at the back of my house and twist my ankle, which is just fucking typical! I live in a bungalow and the only steps on my entire property are the two that lead from the driveway to my back door.
I left it a few hours but the pain gradually increased along with some swelling, so my own personal nurse has strapped me up and told me not to be such a ladyboy.
I've had to call in sick to work for the time being (sorry lads), with a bit of luck I won't be stuck on my arse for too long as I hate feeling useless.
The only thing I'm grateful for is that it happened when I had shopping in my hands and not Matty.

Quality T.V

Matty Tatty

All healed up and looking good, I think.

My Cat The Murderer

On monday night, our beloved Peanut-Face brought home a mouse. The only problem was that it was still alive. As I was at work, it fell into the missus' hands to run around, with Matty in one hand and an empty chocolate box in the other. She eventually caught it and released it out the front of the house.
Learning her lesson, Peanut-Face decided to ensure that the on she brought home on wednesday night was dead.

Not So Modern Technology

Chip and Pin has been nationwide since 2004 and there is a rather sturdy chip and pin device outside of the ticket office window.
So why the fuck are a large percentage of idiots still handing me their bank cards?

Typical Workplace Conversation

Some people need a slap accross the head......... hard.
"Excuse me, how do I get to Hammersmith?"
"Go to platform number one and wait for a train that has Hammersmith on the front of it."
"And will that go to Hammersmith?"
"Well, if it has Hammersmith on the front, it's obviously going to Hammersmith."
"Will it take me straight there?"
"Yes."
"Where do I need to change?"
"As we've just discussed, if the train has Hammersmith on the front, it will go to Hammersmith, directly, with out any need to change trains."
"From platform four right?"
"You can look for platform four if you want, but we don't have one. I said platform one."

Recently Viewed

Misery Guts

I've got a stinking cold and I'm on late shifts.
How shit is that?

Currently Playing

New Isn't Always Better

Apologies for the lack of updates.
We're having problems with the new router.
I doubt I'll even finish this entry before the dreaded "This programme is not responding" message appears.

Graze Anatomy

I smashed my knee while getting out of the car today. You can clearly see the flesh wound I received, but if you do need to look closer, just click the photo.
I expect sympathetic comments.

Magnetic Matty

Today we took Matty over to Milton Keynes shopping centre for the first time. It was the first time we'd taken him on a long shopping trip so I wore the baby carrier my sister-in-law bought him.
Let me just tell you, me + baby carrier + Matty = babe magnet!
Well alright then, Matty = babe magnet.
Me = fat bloke with a cute baby strapped to his chest!

Homer Knows Best #11

Homer: Son, I just want you to know I have total faith in you.
Bart: Since when?
Homer: Since your mother yelled at me.

I Need Another Holiday Already !

Whilst I was glad for the change of scenery, I can't tell you how glad I am that this week of work is over.
Sometimes people exagerate and say they haven't stopped all week, but I can genuinely say that I haven't stopped all week!
Every day has been busy due to the new college / university term starting. Include some dodgy ticket machines, crap accounting facilities, broken printers, a shit repair engineer who leaves with things worse than when he started, colleagues forgetting to put sacks in the safe, a bloke called Warren, and you've got yourself a really bad week at work!
I make it beer o'clock, don't you?

Absence Makes The Legs Jiggle Stronger

Being back at work has brought about mixed feelings.
Yes, it's great to be getting out of the house, even if I do have to answer stupid questions all day.
But I was surprised at how much I missed my family. Sure, I knew that would be the case, but I wasn't expecting to sit there all day watching the clock and jiggling my legs, desperate for my shift to end.
Only two more shifts to go, then I've got a long weekend with them both.

Currently Listening To

An outstanding album. Took a while to get used to, but then those banging drum beats drew me in. "Bag It Up" is the best album opener I've heard in ages.

Be Warned

The cows shall have their day!

Currently Reading

Currently Wearing

Considering Buying

Eagerly Awaiting

Read the book (if you didn't already) and await the film.
That's an order!

Dummy Floor Love Link

Just what is the attraction between dummies and the floor?
Is it physical?
Why do I spend half of my day picking these things up, washing and sterilizing them, when they're just gonna try to dry hump the floor again?
Rubbery, plasticy, baby soothing cunts!

Red And Yellow And...........

I took this picture of a rainbow on Wednesday afternoon.
Ahhh, pretty, pretty colours!

The Baby Carrier

Daddy's view;
Matty's view;
Funny, it don't seem like I've got that many chins from this angle!

Why Tottenham Are Bottom

I believe that's Darren Bent on the right.

Boredom

Fucking hell I'm bored!
Being at home all this time can be very tedious, even if Matty does need constant and repetitive attention.
I never thought Id hear myself say it, but I'm actually looking forward to going back to work, just for the change of scenery.