She's Mad I Tell Ya

Today we had Uncle Jeremy on for the benefit of Matty. One of the chavvy slags on the show had really big eyes. So I said to the missus;
"She looks like one of them big eyed, furry, mother fuckers, that hang around in trees."
"A Goldfish."
"What?!"
"Shut up!"

Last Thursday I went for a few beers with my mate Darryn. His wife kindly picked us up from the station with their kids in tow. On the way to their house, we were discussing work being done in their garden when Darryn's youngest Amy came out with;
"Then we can all go out and roll in the mud naked."

There was a moment of silence before everyone burst out laughing.