Name The Song

And as we wind on down the road
Our shadows taller than our soul.
There walks a lady we all know
Who shines white light and wants to show
How everything still turns to gold.
And if you listen very hard
The tune will come to you at last.
When all are one and one is all
To be a rock and not to roll.

Exercise Is Bad For You

And I have conclusive proof.
I recently bought an exercise bike. Primarily for the missus while she's pregnant, but also for me.
Now, this morning I weighed my self. I was 13 st, 2 1/2 lb. (I know, I'm a fat fuck.)
Then I jumped on the exercise bike for 45 minutes and kept my revolutions up to 100 per minute. By the end of it I was a sweaty, jelly legged version of my former self.
After a nice hot bath I was curious to know if there would be even the slightest difference to my weight.
There was, 13 st, 3 1/2 lb.
I've put on a pound! Just through exercise!
By this theory, at the end of next month I'm gonna be 15 st, 7 1/2 lb.
Conclusive proof, I'm sure you'll agree, that exercise is bad for you.

Lunchtime With Nanna

I finally managed to upload this photo from my phone.
On sunday the missus and me arranged to have lunch with my dad as my uncle was paying a visit. When we got to my dads house I was delighted to see that my nan had come along for the trip.
Apologies for the blurriness, the missus took the picture.
Left to right;
A rather chubby me.
My brother Paul.
Uncle Dave.
Nanna.
My niece Emily.
My Dad.

So there it is, four generations of my family.

Modern Technology

What's the point?
There are so many companies making so many products.
My last phone was superb, it could do everything. It could Bluetooth images and files to a computer, no worries.
But, my new phone, which is supposedly better, cannot transfer anything at all.
My new phone has already been launched across the room but doesn't seem to understand..........
.........my old phone still works and a Samsung G600 would fetch a fair price on Ebay.

Stupid Fucking Phone

I managed to get a nice picture of 4 generations of Spencer on my phone. Can I transfer the fucker to the computer? Can I fuck!

Get Well Soon

Arsenal forward Eduardo has suffered a horrific injury during the match against Birmingham. His left leg was badly broken and he was taken to hospital.
I wish him a speedy recovery.

How Very True!

Currently Listening To

Recently Viewed

Plenty of mindless violence and people being blown into very small pieces.

05:13 Thursday 3rd January 2008

The moment my life changed.
I was on a spare duty, which started at 10am. I would normally roll out of bed at around 8am and that was my full intention.
My sleep was briefly disturbed by the missus at around 5am as her alarm woke her up for her day shift. As soon as the alarm was silenced I fell back into oblivion.
So there I was, snoozing away not a care in the world. Happy in the knowledge that another 3 hours sleep were to come my way.
At least, that's what I thought.
I was wrong.
The door flew open and the missus shouted out "James, I'm pregnant!"
Instantly awake, I replied "You're what now?"
"I did the test! I'm pregnant!" she said whilst thrusting a plastic, piss covered device in my face.
We hugged tightly and I kissed her on the lips and told her that I loved her.
I looked at the clock, it read; 05:13.
She left me and continued to prepare for work.
I never did get those 3 hours of sleep. I laid there grinning like a fool.
I guess that sleep depravation is something I'd better get used to.

Recently Viewed

Marlon Brando in his first starring role - superb.

Typical American propaganda, but enjoyable none the less.

Out-fucking-standing! Daniel Day Lewis is superb and a dead cert for the Best Actor Oscar. Go and see this film in the cinema, the sweeping scenery and musical score will blow you away. Don't expect too much blood though!

Recently Read

I thought that Haemoglobin was a town in Scotland, Trimesters were hats and that the Colostrum was in Rome.
Apparently they're not.

Pregnant

Got a bun in the oven.
Up the duff/spout/stick.
With child.
In the pudding club.

That's my missus.
When I find out who's responsible there's gonna be trouble!
By our calculations, the baby will be due early to mid september.
Another version of me is on it's way, be afraid, very afraid!

Homer Knows Best #4

"Ah, beer. The cause of and the solution to all of life's problems."

Be Ashamed, Very Ashamed

Man U and their fans should feel utterly ashamed of themselves.
For sure, you beat us 4-0.
But Tottenham scored 5 against us, and they really are shit.

The "Cock" Bird

While walking to the station this morning I was verbally abused by a bird of some kind. It's not the first time this bird has hurled abuse at me either. On a regular basis I hear his taunts, always the same.
"Cock."
"Cock."
"Cock."
I don't know what his problem is or if he insults other people too. What I do know is that his constant use of the word cock in my direction is very distressing.

Hockey Player Gets Throat Slashed

Apparently the player lost 5 pints of blood, nearly a third of his blood in total.
He is recovering well according to Sports Illustrated.

Quality Film Quote 26

Martin Brody: You're gonna need a bigger boat.


Roy Scheider 1932 - 2008

Stupid Bitch

Today I was sitting on the train with my iPod, trying to decide if I should listen to The Who or watch an episode of Red Dwarf. While there was no sound coming through the earphones, I overheard the conversation of the couple sitting opposite me. It went like this;

"I need to get a new phone."
"Why?"
"I find this one complicated."
"How?"
"It's too easy to use, that's what makes it complicated."

It was all I could do to stop myself punching her in the middle of her face.
I swiftly selected The Who and listened to Baba O'Riley very loudly!

The Camden Fire

I got these pictures from the BBC website.
This fire meant it took me 3 hours to get home.
I arrived at Euston and had just sat on the train when they announced that services had been suspended. I went back to the concourse and hung around for about 45 minutes waiting for information. When it became apparent that services were not going to resume soon, I made a decision.
I caught the Metropolitan line to Watford Met and then took the 20 minute walk to Watford Junction where services were operating.
Here comes the kick in the teeth......
The train I caught at Watford Junction was the first train they allowed to depart from Euston! I could have stayed where I was and had a couple of pints.
Bugger.

Interesting Fact

Zebras are black and white because they were invented before colour T.V.

Recently Played & Completed

This game is so much fun. At the end it asks if you want to play again on a more challenging level. To which I said to myself "Damn straight! I'm off to save the universe again!"

Recently Viewed

She's Mad I Tell Ya!

Last night I climbed into bed with the missus. Unfortunately she was asleep as we are on opposite shifts.
So, I turned on the telly and watched a re-run of Shooting Stars.
About halfway through the show, she sat bolt upright and said;
"Well, you'd better go and get some more then hadn't you!"
Then she laid back down and ignored my "What do I need to get?"

Don't Call Me Boss

What is the current trend of everyone calling everyone else boss?
I get it all day. It doesn't matter if I'm at work, buying something or scratching my arse. Everyone is boss this, boss that, it's driving me mental.
For the record; I'm not your boss and if I was, then I wouldn't be for long. I would sack your arse the first chance I got because you are such an annoying dick!

More Shit Music

Adele - Chasing Pavements

should i give up
or should i just keep on chasing pavements
should i just keep on chasing pavements
ooooohhh
should i give up
or should i just keep chasing pavements
even if it leads no where,
or would it be a waste
even if i knew my place
should i leave it there
should i give up
or should i just keep chasing pavements
even if it leads no where

What the fuck is she on about?! Chasing pavements? Utter shit.

I Hate This Message

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Could it be any more vague? Why don't they just say;
"Well it could be us, it could be you, we just don't know and can't be arsed to give you a decent reason anyway. Why not dick around with your settings and completely fuck your internet browser up?!"

Red Dwarf - Tongue Tied

If you don't hear from me for a while, it's because I'm copying the entire Red Dwarf collection to my iPod.

Seven

7 shifts of the late variety are about to attack again.
7 shifts of depression and misery.
7 shifts of hardly seeing the missus.
7 shifts of a fucked up sleep pattern.
7 shifts with no football.
7 shifts of drunken, stupid questions.
7 shifts until my next day off.

I bet you wish that you were me!

Churchill

Not the wartime prime-minister, he was a god.
Those fucking Churchill insurance adverts. You know the ones where some northern twat is "randomly" called from the audience to ask the foam dog a question.
These adverts seriously fuck me off and as a result, I will not be insuring my car with Churchill again. I would rather pay an extra £50 a year just to avoid the "Fuck me, these cunts insure my car and pay for the advert with my money!" feeling.

Homer Knows Best #3

Homer; Public transport is for jerks and lesbians!

Leighton Town 0 - 0 Bedworth Utd

Leighton Town failed to take advantage of the extra man.
Bedworth had their Number 8 deservedly sent off after 40 minutes. Moments after being booked for dissent, he hacked down a Leighton player. As if that wasn't bad enough, before the ref could blow his whistle the Bedworth man clattered into another Leighton midfielder.
The second half saw Leighton pile on the pressure with number 9, Ben Gallant, wasting three good chances to put The Reds in front. He wasn't the only guilty party though. Number 4, Scott Thomas, and number 15, Chris Johnson both missed glorious chances to claim all three points.
There's no doubt that this was a case of two points dropped.

That'll Be A Nice Nice Mars Bar

This is the wound left in my brothers side after his appendectomy. (Yes, I checked the spelling!)