Good Luck Fella!

A massive good luck to my bro-in-law Gary who starts his "Old Bill" training on the 2nd of jan. We're all proud of ya!

Just Watched

As Comic Book Guy from The Simpsons would say "Worst film ever!"

Just Who's Side Are You On?

Arsenal; during a game of football you will notice that all of your team mates will be wearing the same colour. At some point during the game could you possibly attempt to pass to said fucking team mates!! Bunch of wankers!

Dead

No great loss to society.

Supermarket Row

So I was in Tescos right and I see an empty checkout. Obviously I make a beeline for said checkout and start unloading the trolly. A moment later......
Her; Excuse me, I saw that till first.
Me; Sorry?
Her; I said I saw that till first.
Me; How do you know you saw it before me?
Her; Because I do.
Me; I'm sorry but I got here first, it's not like I saw you and ran to it.
Her; I saw it first, I want to be served first.
Me; So far as I know Tescos haven't started till reservations so you'll have to wait your turn.
Her; I think you're very rude!
Me; I think you're being silly.
Her; How dare you!
Me; Whatever love, I've only got a few bits.
Her; So why don't you wait?
Me; Wait for what?
Her; For me to be served!
Me; Just what is your problem?
Her; You!
Me; I can't be done with this, just wait your turn.
So I get served and I'm ready to leave......
Her; Thanks for nothing.
Me; Fuck off!

Happy Birthday!

Happy Birthday to my mother-in-law Sandra. I wont be printing her age because I value my life.

Just Moshed To

It's Over

Well, I guess christmas is over. I'm quite glad in a way. Yes it's nice to be surrounded by family but you can't beat a bit of slobbing around on your own.
On the down side, my dad went home to london this afternoon so the place seems a bit empty without him. Mind you, it should mean that my beer supplies last a bit longer! If you're reading this dad, come back soon!!
Thoughts turn to the new year and resolutions. I guess I could drink less, eat less and exercise, but that's my intention every year and I'm getting bored of it. If any of my thousands of readers have any ideas then leave a comment.
By the way, thanks for the cards and presents.
Except Gina, who didn't get me a Nintendo Wii!

Cashley, What's The Score.....

Cashley, Cashley, what's the score?!

Utter Bastards!

Where the fuck is my Nintendo Wii?

T'was The Night Before Christmas.....

....and I'm on the piss again!

More Wisdom From Our Lord

Last Shift Of The Year

Today will be my last day at work until the 2nd of Jan, lets hope it goes without any problems. I've probably jinxed myself now and the sky will fall on my head or something!

D, T and The Girls

Thanks for a great evening last night! Gina and myself still had to go shopping on the way home though, booo!

Christmas Text Message

He laid her on the table, so white, clean and bare. His head was wet with beads of sweat, he rubbed her here and there. He touched her neck and felt her breast. Then, drooling, he felt her thigh. The slit was wet and all was set, he gave a joyous cry! The hole was wide, he looked inside and all was dark and murky. He rubbed his hands and stretched his arms......... then stuffed the christmas turkey.

May I be the first to wish your dirty little mind a very Merry Christmas!

Fog

With all this fog we've been suffering lately, I've been wondering......... oh never mind.

I'm Bored

I'm so bored, there is nothing to do. The missus is watching some shit film so I can't use the ps2. We used to have a spare telly in the other room but that's now at my mum's flat. The only other telly is in our bedroom, but it's fairly old and would mean disconnecting various other gadgets and then re-connecting them afterwards, which is a pain in the arse! Besides, it's wall mounted, which is ok if you're laying in bed but I'd get a sore neck if I tried to play The Godfather.
Sorry if this entry lacks substance but I don't see why I should be the only one who's bored, so there!

Just Playing

Welcome to the family.

Just Watched

This is a truly fantastic film and definitely the best war movie I've ever seen. It's in Korean but that takes nothing away from it.

Pa-rum-pa-pa-pum......

......me and my drum.

Just Read

A Quote; "Old mens ears and nose carry on growin as they get older. Suzanne noticed his fingers were fat too.... maybe they continue to grow. Suzanne didn't laugh when I said her arse had the same problem."
Quality, real quality!

That's Gotta Hurt!

Last night I was awoken by a very loud thud. I assumed that the missus had dropped something so I turned over to resume to some well earned kip. This morning I asked the missus what she had dropped; "I didn't drop anything, I walked into the door". When I'd stopped pissing myself I asked her how she'd managed to do it. Apparently she turned all the lights off so as not to wake me up and just walked into it in total darkness. I feel guilty for laughing now. Not that guilty though!

Nearly Done

One more shift to go!
After spouting off at the start of the week about how shite late shifts are, it's actually been a relatively painless week. I guess most people are filling with christmas cheer, especially my credit card provider who will be rubbing their thighs and smiling. Bastards.

God

Wind

With all the recent high winds the UK has been suffering lately I've been wondering if I can somehow harness the wind's power into some sort of generator, save that power into some kind of battery and then using that power to energize some of my many gadgets. The answer is no, because I wouldn't know where to start.

Champions League Draw

Arsenal will travel to PSV Eindhoven, not a bad draw methinks. Then again, there's no pushover in the CL!

Jasper & Tits

Not a good journey home from work. There was a family on my train. They had pushed their pram right into the middle of the carriage so no-one could move around at will. I managed to squeeze into a seat adjacent to them. As soon as the train set off their eldest child, Jasper, decided he was going to be a little shit. Failing miserably in his attempt to stop Jasper jumping and shouting on a packed train, Jasper's dad decided to turn his back on him and read his monthly fishing mag (mmm, interesting). While all this was going on Jasper's mum decided to feed her baby. I have no problem with breast feeding, but if there is a private area less than 10 metres away, ie; a toilet, please use that. Jasper's mum was having none of it and decided to get her big flabby tit out in front of everyone and shove her poor babys head into it.
Nice.

You Asked For It

Here are all the Ipswich Ho jokes I have to date.....
1, The Ipswich footy match is off this weekend cos a dyslexic serial killer murdered all the substitutes!
2, Prostitutes required in the Ipswich area, good rates of pay but the shifts are murder!
3, Is anyone up for rugby this weekend? Ipswich are desperately short of hookers!
4, And finally a festive theme; Ipswich families are delighted as a dyslexic Santa came down their chimneys and left them all prozzies!
Those who asked for this entry are seriously disturbed, I know I must be sick for blogging it but you've all known that for years!

What's The Difference........

......between bigamy and monogamy?
There's always one wife too many!

Toe Chewing Mo Fo

Oh No, Not Again

Don't worry, this isn't an entry about spicy food or the resulting condition to my bot-bot.
It's reference to the fact I'm about to start my first of seven late shifts. I really, really, really hate late shifts! Aside from the fact it's when all the arseholes come out to abuse LUL staff, it means I'll hardly see the missus. Things can get pretty damn lonely when the only person you have contact with, outside of work, is an insane cat. The very same cat who woke me up this morning by persistently chewing my big toe. I've seen the Whiskers advert, cats are supposed to cuddle up to you in the morning to tell you they're hungry!

Just Watched

Just About To Read.....

Christmas Shopping

The missus and myself completed our crimbo shopping today. It was relatively painless as Gina had the foresight to do most of it online weeks ago. There were the same dilemas as usual today though, what to get her mum, my mum, her dad, my dad etc, etc.
We've done it now so you'll get what yer given!

Fell Off The Wagon

I'm afraid my pledge to never eat spicy food (Announcement 09/12/06) lasted only 2 days. My missus and me popped in to Nando's for lunch today. When the guy at the counter asked what spice level I wanted I couldn't bring myself to say "Lemon and Herb". Before I knew it I'd blerted out "Extra Hot please".
I'm gonna be in so much trouble tomorrow!

BBC Sports Arse Of The Year

Just watched BBC's Sports Personality Of The Year. It was won by Zara Phillips. Apparently she won for show jumping or something. Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't the horse do all the hard work in that event? So, where's the tin camera for Dobbin? A total miscarriage of justice if you ask me. Can't help thinking that her nan had something to do with the result!

Arsenal 1-1 Chelsea

For some reason Arsenal spent half the game passing to Chelsea, strange really when you consider that the two teams wore totally different colours! It was a fairly even game until the Gooners took the lead, after which Chelsea totally spanked us and would have won the game had it not been for some desperate defending.
Anybody who saw the match will not need to go to a pantomime this year though. The "Lehmann And Drogba Show" was quite possibly the funniest thing I've seen all year.

Aaachooo!

An Announcement

I've spent a massive part of my day in the toilet. Anyone who knows me will tell you how much I love/need spicy food. However, it has become apparent recently that my body just can't cope with it anymore. It is, therefore, my extreme displeasure to announce that I shall no longer be able to eat "fucking hot" grub. This is the darkest day in my life to date.

Nige & Lou-Lou

Hi Mate

Hello to my bro-in-law Garat, how's the grrrrrill?

Ouch

"Devil Chicken" indian takeaway.

Today

I feel like absolute shit. I don't have a headache but my gut is giving me real grief. I'm getting no sympathy from the missus, only dirty looks and what can only be described as a bad attitude (understandably). She dragged me to Milton Keynes shopping centre for 2 hours which is the worst possible thing you could do to someone with a hangover.
We're going to her works crimbo do tonight, I think I'll just have lemonade (with vodka)!

Yesterday

Yesterday I got out of work and went straight to the pub. From about 1:45 onwards the only thing to enter my body was alcohol. By the time I met the lads I was already on the way to oblivion and by the time the Paul Weller gig started I was completely wasted. Weller was on top form from what I can remember, he did all the classics from The Jam as well as some of his solo tunes. He did an excellent encore as well. A quality gig all round then.
A few apologies.............
Gina; Sorry for getting off my rocker and worrying the life out of you.
Lads; Sorry for getting off my rocker and not saying goodbye.
Mr Weller; Sorry if I don't remember all of your show, your performance of "Porcelain Gods" was spot on though.

0-0 Bore Draw

Well, the Gooners are through. Both Arsenal and Porto only needed a draw to qualify for the next round so it's no surprise really.
My only gripe is that AC Milan put out a team of unknowns which meant they lost to Lille. AEK Athens drew with Anderlecht and would have gone through had Milan not been a bunch of tossers! Bunch of football related, i hate chelsea arse!

Footy and Music

Big match tonight, the Gooners take on Porto in bid to qualify for the next stage of the Champions League. All we need is a draw and we go through. The flag is up, the top is on and the beer is cold! Depending on the score I may blog again tonight.
I'm going to see Paul Weller in concert tomorrow night. It should be a cracking gig, plus I'll be there with my bestest buddies. We don't get to see each other that often cos of how far apart we live and the shift work we do. I may get some pics and blog 'em to my vast audience!

Gaz's Dogs

From left to right; Ginger Dave, Black Dave and White Dave

Happy Birthday!!!

Happy birthday to my sister-in-law Michelle who is 23 today!

A Typical Workplace Conversation

Me; Morning.
Her; One ticket please.
Me; What sort of ticket?
Her; To use the underground.
Me; To travel to where?
Her; Baker Street.
Me; Do you want a single, a return or a one day travelcard?
Her; What's the difference?
Me; A single is one journey, a return is two journeys and a travelcard is valid all day.
Her; Yes o.k.
Me; So which one?
Her; I've got to go there, then come back.
Me; That's a return then.
Her; Isn't a travelcard cheaper?
Me; Only after 9:30am.
Her; Isn't it 9:30 yet?
Me; It will be by the time we finish this conversation.
Her; What time is it now?
Me; Ten past nine.
Her; Oh no. I can't wait that long, I'll just have a single.
Me; Three pounds please.

Early Night

After getting less than 4 hours sleep last night, I'm absolutely shattered. I'm heading off to bed in a minute, hopefully I'll sleep right through till 4am.
Still not sure about this blog stuff yet but at least I had my first comment.
Night night.

Peanut-Face

Our cat.

Am I doing The Right Thing?

O.K, it's 2:45 am and I've decided to create my own blog. Why at 2:45? I just couldn't sleep, I've got to be up for work at 4am anyway so I thought "Sod it, up you get." No doubt that I'll be completely shattered by midday.
I'm also wondering why I'm doing this during the build up to Crimbo, or whether anyone will read this at all!
Only time will tell.